Judge — March 3, 1917 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE ORIGINAL RED CROSS MAN THE MORNING AFTER By 8. B. KISER se at dawn, his sighs were deep; And deeply, too, his brow was lined; The thoughts which had disturbed his sleep Would not be banished from his mind. He had not lost his money where The bulls and bears caused loss and gain; No maiden who was young and fair Had filled that breast of his with pain. No scornful look or bitter jest Had made him think that wrong, Nor could the sorrow in his breast Be traced to woman, wine and song; The night before he'd made a speech, And, climbing sadly from his bed, He thought, as usual, of each Delightful thing he might have said. H all was They Never Come Back Hokus—If you want an umbrella to last a long time, don’t roll it Pokus—I have a better scheme. Hokus—What is it? Pokus—Don't lend it. Prospering Dyer—So Higbee has gone into the real estate business. How is he doing? Ryer—Making lots P----e LIFT the insignificant into prominence and I keep them there. All the world holds me in high esteem and waits for me eagerly. The wise, as well as the ignorant, use me; the rich, as well as the poor, bow before me. Without me the all-know- ing would become silent, and the studiously vivacious would grow morose, Iam of greater conven- ience than rich store of learning. I embrace multitudes. He who uses me with fair degree of skill is sure of high honor and rapid preferment. Iam found in churches, colleges, universities, ne’ papers, magazines, politics, efficiency, charity and uplift organizations, in the home, on the street, in the Pullma and in the day coach. You may have me if you will barter the integrity of your mind for the tricky veneer of super- ficiality. I cannot make you happy, but and instant popularity. I will teach you to capitalize your stupidity. I will stimulate your vacuity. With me you are independent of facts, you can ignore Truth, and you can indulge your passion for insincerity. I am yours without effort on your part. I am PIFFLE.—U. W. Dee. For All That It's dead and it's dull and it’s flat; Its members are aged and fat: Its atmosphere’s chill, I can’t pay my last bill: But a club is a club for all that! The Reason “Damon and Pythias v friends, weren't they, pa? “Yes, my son, but Damon never endorsed a note for Pythias.” great Causation Law professor—Si grounds for divorce. Student—Jitney income, and li- mousine wife. te briefly two AN OBJECT LESSON By TOM P, MORGAN “UY least boy, Bearcat, who is four years old, accidentally broke a window tuther day, and then came in and told me about it,” related Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. ‘As the Presiding Elder was at the house I thought I'd show off a little, and so I gave the kid a nickel for his truth- fulness, and told him to always act on the square and he would shore be re- warded. “The next thing on the docket was the dad-burnedest uproar you ever heered in your life. When me and the preacher rushed out we found my whole posse of fourteen children scattered around on all sides of the house, bombast - ing rocks through the windows as fast as they could lam ’em. When they saw me they all yelled, ‘Paw, I broke a window! I broke a window!’ Nacher’l enough, with the elder there, I couldn't do anything much, but I did manage to grab my shotgun down off’m the hooks and run the little cusses into the timber.” comicbooks.com