Judge — March 3, 1917 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Good-Bye ! OOD-BYE, little clinging vine! The eugenics doctors are on your trail. They are blaming you with our milk- sop second genera- tion. They say that you lie in languid- cd ambush for strong, virile men and marry them ere your sterner sisters have had time to bat a lash. ‘They claim that you, and you alone, are responsible for all these scatte brained, sissified adolescents that infest our glorious land. It is the strong men, the learned doctors say, who invariably fall for your tender tenacity. And they lay all the fault at your door, you poor, dear, frowsy-headed, sad- eyed, pouty-mouthed darlings. The big, trong-minded men are not to blame. They know no better. It is you who must desist. The next time one of ‘em takes you in his manly arms, squeezes the life out of you and asks you to marry him, don't you do it! Explain to him your duty to God and humanity demands that you remain unmarried and cultivate the affections of nephews and nieces only. If you will only do this, girls, and leave the big, handsome fellows to the juster mercies of your dignified, worth-while sisters, the clinging vine streak in hu- manity will pass away in no time. And then what strides we, as a race, shall make! We shall evolute like a mill race. Just a few generations and virility will be as common as mud, and as valuable. So run along, little clinging vine! off the carth! We're sad indeed to see y You've been a comfort to us and a joy. And by your winning ways you have more than once petrified our iginal impressions. But you won't do, little girls. You don’t make us think, and you should keep your hands off our children. Ta-ta, Blue Ey Ears ARS come on heads and on walls. The ears that walls have are invis- ible. Other ears are visible, frequently more visible than their owners wish. Ears which stand out like semaphores are undesirable from the standpoint of beauty. Women may comb their hair in such a way that it will enhance the beauty of their ears. This privilege is denied to men. Style does not even allow a man to wear an elastic band on his hat. He cannot thus hold his hat on and his ears in at the same time. There is no particu- lar way for a man to prevent large ears from being mistaken for public property. Ears absorb sounds. Mild and moder- ate sounds do not harm ears. Explosive powders and tempers are bad for cars that hear them. So is meaningless con- versation. So are too highly flavored stories. Ears spend most of their time hearing sounds which they do not want to hear. They very likely spend the rest of their time hearing sounds which they ought not to hea Sixes and Sevens a government of checks nces, but with ail the “pork” bills and pay rolls the checks sort of ball up the balances. + Spain will surely forgive a what happened in 1808, in view of the proficiency of our Mr. Jack Johnson in his new rél 1 bull fighter. * Peace notes had better watch out for leaks more carefully than ever when Wu Ting Fang back on the job. The genial Wu is the man who put the queue in curiosity 2 Lindley M. Garrison says the lawyers should lead the fight for preparedness Oh, we don’t know—what’s a brief but a note, anyhow? ¢ What makes National Chairman Wil- liam R. Willcox chuckle is those seven eclipses scheduled for 1917. 2 So the Allies have “given Constanti- nople to Russia.” Is the famous recipe for rabbit pie also a scrap of paper? oy comicbooks.com