Judge, 1917-02-24 · page 20 of 28
Judge — February 24, 1917 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is primarily an **advertising and literary content page** rather than political satire. The page contains: **Main Content:** - A poem "Lenten Lines to Lydia" by Clinton Scollard—a humorous love letter during Lent, where the speaker pleads with Lydia not to abandon him during her religious fasting season. The joke is his dramatic exaggeration of suffering. - An essay on towels using mock-serious language to humorously describe their practical and impractical uses in households—satirizing the mundane domestic object. - A brief poem about a bard who sings beautifully until neighbors demand silence—gentle mockery of artistic pretension. **Advertisements:** The bulk of the page features ads for American products (champagne, ale, diamonds, paper) emphasizing "America First"—likely from WWI-era when patriotic consumption was promoted. **Cover Art:** Two James Montgomery Flagg illustrations ("Walnuts" and "Are My Lips on Straight?") are offered as framed prints for sale. The content reflects early 20th-century magazine humor: light, domestic, and consumer-focused rather than sharply political.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Great Western fm Champagne 7 “Brut Special 1903” “Special Reserve” & (absolutely brut) (very dry) Produced by the old French slow method of fermentation in the bottle taking from six to seven years of time. Great Western is the Only American Champagneever awarded a Gold Medal at Foreign Expositions. 910, Belgium Austria 7, Belgium 1867, France for our free Niustrated Booklet which tells how Champagne is made, Pleasant Valley Wine Company | Rheims, N. Y- Oldest and largest producers of Champagne in America Patriotism Proclaims: America First! “HERE!” is the answer given by if Puts Life ti C. H. EVANS & SONS, &: | Compare It Witha DIAMOND Get a genuine Lachnite on ten Fe ae Ear iavaen Nos. 32, 34 and 36 Bleecker Street 30 Beekman Street. New Vork, and 32 Clinton Street, Newark, N. J. ALL KINDS OF PAPER MADE TO ORDER Lenten Lines to Lydia YDIA, now that days are ashen, And ’tis fashion to repent, Must I curb my manly passion Till the end of Lent? You've forsworn—how well I know it!— All the “frivol” of the throng; Pritheg, don’t forswear your poet And his song! Lydia, dearest, should you do so, I should be immersed in woes; Like a maid who'd lost her trousseau, I'd have “indigoes.”” Gray would streak my locks of raven; . I should lose my youthful air; On my heart would be engraven Deep—“ Despair!” Lydia, show some gentle feeling! Here, with fervor, I rey That I'm (figuratively) kneeling At your pretty feet Do not drive me to the doctor For some bitter draught to sup! How could any pill-concocter Buoy me up? Lydia, Lydia, be tender! Pity me, and hear my plea! You might send your heart's surrender In epitome! One brief word would so delight me; (Just below is my address!) Lydia loveliest, O write me!— Tell me “yes!” —Clinton Scollard. Address, Sign of The Rhymer's Quill; The Muses’ Street, Parnassus Hill. Towels TOWEL is an article indispensable to every home. Briefly enumerated its uses are as follows: to serve as a reminder that ablutions are sometimes necessary; to shine masculine shoes; to harbor homeless microbes; to stimulate the laundry business; to clean the hands of small boys; to sop up a feminine pastime known as embroidering; and to decorate the conspicuously bare places —and people—of a bath room. Every home is equipped with two kinds of towels: guest towels and those which are intended for use. Guest towels frequently seem too dainty to use, and some of them seem too dainty to have been used. A guest towel is like doubt; a person should be given the benefit of it. With small boys a towel is much more de- tergent than soap or water. A towel is fre- quently moistened with frigid water and put around the head of the man who has been around town late at night and moistened his lips. A roll towel is one which has no end —of dirt uponit. A bath towel isa volumin- ous affair which is designed to blot out the memory of the immediate past. A pocket edition of a towel is known as a handker- chief. One Bard’s Consideration J SING a lay of blossoms bright, Of gently waving trees, Of wyndes as sweet as ever blew From lost Hesperides. I warble thus from early morn Until the stars are lit, But when the neighbors yell for peace I very kindly quit. —Tennyson J. Daft. WALLNUTS “ ALLNUTS” and “Are My Lips on Straight?" by James Montgomery Flagg, are the Judge covers that our readers have been asking for. A number have been made up into Art Prints, mounted on a heavy mat, 9x 12, ready for framing. Both pictures are printed in full colors, exactly as they appeared on the covers of Judge, and they make an attractive decoration for any room. Fifty cents bring both the prints, post free, or if desired, either will be sold separately for 25c a piece. “ARE MY LIPS ON STRAIGHT?” JUDGE 225 Fifth Avenue New York Judge Art Print Department J-220.17 225 Fifth Ave., New York City Enclosed find SOc (25c), please send me “Wallnuts” and “Are My Lips On Straight 2” comicbooks.com