Judge — February 17, 1917 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Markowitz, and then turning to Henry, contin- ued, “Look! look! ain't this the life? Look what figgers, what dancing! What's that? The coi- tan falling already? We missed the whole foist There was very little con- versation between Markowitz and Henry during the progress of the other two acts, nor did their eyes wander away from age for even the fraction second. With the fall of the last curtain, Markowitz slapped his brother-in-law on the back and demanded in an I-told-you-so tone, “Nu. wasn’t it a dandy?” But Henry, instead of replying, excused himself for a min- ute, and later met his boss outside the theatre, displaying a pair of theatre tickets. “Max, we're going again next Satur noon!” mumbled Henry. “But we’ show,” burst out the astonished manufacturer. “Sure, but we ain’t scen the foist act!” stam- mered Henry, blushing guiltily. Better to be Born Lucky Than Handsome IKE MCCARTY, a conductor on the C. & N, W., took his wife to Chicago on a shopping trip. She led the old gentleman a merry chase and wound up at Marshall Field’s in the evening. She then told him she was going up on the third floor to look over some more things. Mike said he was tired and would sit down on a bench near the elevator and wait for her. He took off his hat, turned it open side up and placed it on his lap, then leaned his head back and fell asleep. Mike has a habit of sleeping with one eye partly open. This impressed the passers-by and when his wife returned she found three dol- lars and forty cents in small change in the hat.—L. H. Gingles. HIS SHORT EXISTENCE Insurance examiner—And how long did your grandfather live? Cholly—Oh, hardly at all! His first car killed him. Relatives RELATIVES are people who come and visit you and strew their persons all over the household. They obstruct doorways, prevent light from coming through the windows, clutter up chairs, monopolize the bathroom, tax the commis- sariat and keep under foot generally. Being tied to you by blood—which is thicker than water, although not always as pure—they feel no compunction at descending upon you, thicker than rain. Every man’. house is a hotel for his rela- tiv They love to calk about the good old days and tell what Aunt So-and-so used to do or what Uncle Someone used to say. They also love to bor ow money, and they love you too much to impute that you may care if they do not pay it back. Relatives are a fine thing to have around, for they never allow you for a minute to forget what a fine family you came from, although once in a while they make you wish that you had come completely from it —Stuart W. Knight. An Endless Chain THINK this thought will make you think That I am surely joking; Vo wit, I never want a drink, Except when I've been smoking. But sce how I’m in habit’s yoke— One to the other linking; T really never care to smoke, Except when I've been drinking. In Regular Order Hokus—The widow always gets her third, doesn't she? Pokus—I believe she has to get her second first. Getting It Over With <a | He—Didn't she marry very young? Scottish Terrier to Pekingese—You needn't be so stuck up you have a lap to sit on! She—I know, but a fortune teller said just because : her second marriage would be a dream.