Judge — February 17, 1917 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

F OUR ideas were the same, this life would be a cheerful game. There would be naught to criticise, or ridicule, beneath the skies, and nothing that you do or think, would be considered on the blink; we'd all indorse your goal and aim, if our ideas were the same. We would not laugh at yonder frau, who’s coming down the turnpike now, dressed like a maid of seventeen, although she’s sixty past, I ween. Though she has kalsomined her cheeks, and though her false hair fairly shrieks, and though she wears of gems a quart, and though her gown is much too short, we would not jeer that giddy dame, if our ideas were the same. Sidewhiskers raise the public ire, and stir up threats and protests dire. It is not easy to explain, why they’re not voted safe and sane, but when the man with sideboards comes, a wave of indignation hums, and there’s a gencral demand that such a person should be canned. We hear the shouts of angry He should be sentenced to the pen!”” But they would not offend the eye, or shock or grieve the passer-by, would not be thought a crying shame, if our ideas were the same. I'd like to wear a scarlet tie, but with the same I can’t get by. I’ve flaunted one upon my chest, at divers times, but thought it best to take it off in frantic haste, when by indignant neighbors chased. Why is it that a necktie red makes people’s blood fly to the head? Why do they pick up rocks and bricks, and cab! ‘heads, and cordwood sticks, and smite the wearer hip and thigh, because he likes a crimson tic? They would not chase him till he’s lame, if our ideas were the same. We differ on so many things! ' And hence our caustic words and flings, and hence the fight, that never pays, and hence ten dollars or ten days. The Notion Counter Wt ARE living in a ragtime age. There are some young people now-a-days who would syncopate the Twenty- third Psalm. Mother always manages to get the conversation around to the incident when she was taken for Father’s daughter. Dad says that the trouble with higher education is that it seems to come a little higher all the time. Mother is always trying to marry daughter off well and yet always telling what a poor job she did with herself Sometimes daughter is so tired that she can hardly drag herself upstairs to dress for the dance. The young folks wish that Dad’s checkbook were like his country club and the whole family could be members. There comes a time in every family when about all there is for Paw and Maw is the back stoop. Every father hopes his son will be like him and every mother hopes to heaven he won't. There is only one person in the world hard of your greatness than your daughter, and that ter’s calle’ When daughter puts her arm around Mother, Mother knows it is time to go out into the kitchen and begin to make sandwiches. A fellow doesn’t have to be a weather forecaster to detect the difference between “my boy” and “young man.” Mother is quite convinced that she is all that stands bet ween the children and their father’s horrible temper. Whenever daughter wants a new bonnet, Feather reminds her that that much would buy a boy a whole suit of clothes. They talk about the mother instinct, but did you ever observe Father’s neck feathers when a young man calls? —Douglas Malloch. to convince your daugh- Agreed “T am forced to admit that honest men are as scarce as hens’ teeth,” said the political reformer. “And just about as practicable,” added the professional politician. IT STRUCK ONE, TOO Horrid bore—I rise by an alarm clock. Pretty girl—I retire by one. There it goes now! comicbooks, oy