Judge — February 17, 1917 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ZOOLOGICAL GARME}D By LAWTON MACKALL TS SVER safe to judge people by their exteriors. I know women who, when you mect them on the street, present an appearance of extreme wolfishness, with claws and fangs thrust out menacingly—which dies are actually as gentle as lambs. Some, too, that look inordi- nately foxy and appear to be all heads, are in point of fact quite guileless and childlike. Their rapaciousness is but skin deep. It is a wonder to me that they are not frightened. I have seen a supposedly timid woman walking along, as noncha- lantly as you please, with some black Russian monster coiled about her and a brisuling wolf at her throat. I have even beheld a young girl of eighteen enfolded by a great shaggy bear. And yet she showed no alarm. They never do: the temerity of these women knows no bounds. The fair visitor who enters your home for an afternoon call is no sooner admitted to the hospitable warmth of your fireside, than straightway she unlooses there a white-fanged brace of beasts. Yet this exterior of fierce fluff is pal- pably a put-on thing. It is not a perfect disguise. The stout lady who envelops herself in squirrel skin can never, though she use ninety-seven pelts in the attempt, reach the point where passers-by will offer hernuts. (They can see she is only stuff- ing.) She would come far nearer realism with the epidermis of a sea cow. For her, rodent regalia is preposterous. Nor does she succeed much better when looming up asa sable cliff. Even when she is beset and hemmed in by a pack of silver foxes, people will not take her plight seriously: she would scem merely to be on her way to a book party costumed as “Droll Tails.” The great trouble—and this is same dear something that she never realizes—is that a multitude of skins does not necessarily create an effect of skinniness. Why is it, after all, that women are less anxious to look natural than to look like natural history? Why do they thus fringe their pulchritude with ferocity? One can only guess. Perhaps it is that deep in the heart of even the most sedate fe- male lurks the old jungle desire to appear just a bit dangerous. Childhood’s Happy Days Johnny—What'd ye git Chrismuss? Jimmy—Lot o° them useful presents. What ye goin’ U do Fourth o' July Johnny—Ma’s goin’ t take me t’ a safe an’ sane one. A Fable Poverty went in at the door. “Who lives in that house?” asked the Wolf. “Honest Postman. “Then I guess I'll stick around,” said the Wolf. ” replied the Forewarned The doctor—'m afraid we'll ha to operate. The patient—All right, Doc—go to it! But take it from me, there's noth- ing to the rumor that I was in on any peace note leak. Good Reason Preacher—Y our sincere hope is that, after death. you may achieve Heaven? Outsider—Sure it is. I hate to get in a crowd. Muriel Ethel Yes; you know she was born near-sight Lucky George Grorce WASHINGTON may thankful be, his dad who nailed hii wn that cherry tree Itw For cutting d T Pinchot we 1 have jailed him. Just Like Her Belle—How in the world did Gertie Headstrong ever come to marry Jack to reform him? Helen—1 can tell you. Gertie tried to reform Jack before she had any idea of marrying him and failed, and you know Gertie. Gladys says she has seen only eighteen summers. comicbooks.com