Judge — February 3, 1917 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Boy (proudly)—I'm caddyin’ fer him! Jealous friend—Aw, say, | caddied fer a man oncet what could say woids dat wouldn't be fit fer dis guy ter hear. MARKOWITZ AND HENRY Discuss the European War and a European Trip By LOU RAB “ ‘RY, ain’t there never going to be an end from this terrible war?” sighed Max Markowitz, the skirt man- ufacturer, addressing his bookkeeper and brother-in- law, after signing a check for the relief of the European war- sufferers. What do them countries want anyway? Oser if I can understand it! I’m surprised that such an old businessman like Joe Bull, whose great-great-grandfather was in the shipping business yet, should fight for more than two years becatise such a good drummer and serapper like William the Ka wants to cover the same territory. If I was Joe Bull and sei a hustler like Kaiser putting up a good argument with a nifty line of soldiers and submarines and Zeppelin specials, I would call him over, treat him with an A-A customer's ¢ gar and sign a contract, fifty-fifty.” “Sure, by you everything is business!” sneered Henry in disgust. ‘Fool you are! Do you think they are fighting for business? You're a diplomat just like I am a president from a college. They’re fighting for honor, Max, and when the Serbians killed the Prince from Austria— “Ts that why the President from nce should want to kill the Sultan from Turkey?” broke in Markowitz, heatedly. “Henry, maybe you can read more from me, be you can talk English better from me, maybe you're smarter in historia, bookkeeping; but when it comes to busin out from my left slee I tell you again, business, the Goiman Kaiser and the King from England would be dancing a Kasatske now by the Petrograd by awedding! Why do you think Russia wants Constantinople? For honor? Because the Prince from Austria was moidered? Humbug! Why does Goimany want open shop by the oceans? Because Austria was insulted? Nonsense! They can put it n I can shake you over a lemech like you, but I’ve been more than twenty years in business! My brain ain’t like a peanut. So long there’s business, there’s got to be fighting. What gets me is that they ain’t had enough yet. It’s about time they made some settlement.” “What do you think it is, a fight with finishers for a raise by piece work?” demanded Henry, sarcastically. ‘‘Where you give in a penny and they give in a penny, and peace is made before Jennie and Fannie and Annie can change their minds and their figgers? When millions people give up the young and the best times from their lives to prepare and get ready for trouble, do you think trouble will go way in a hurry when she gets such a grand reception—with something doing every minute? Believe me, the boid from peace is so welcome by Europe like a mouse b: And before the war is finished there will be so much left from Europe, like from a ten spot by a swell Cabaret.” “Notting left from Europe! I wish you told it to Minnie and maybe she'd stop bothering me about going there so soon the war stopped,” declared Markowitz. “Do me a favor and tell her there’s notting to sce and for notting to go!” “But people don’t go to see what is,” asserted Henry, philosophically, “only what was and what may be. People are all the time singing about what's good-bye and worrying about what’s next. If they would really know what’s going on to-day, they wouldn’t have no time to worry about to-mor- row and forget everything about yesterday. There’s enough to do to-day y don’t you do it?” interrupted Markowitz, who ized that they were discussing during business hours. “I ain’t seen you open your ledger yet to-day.” “If you wouldn't bother me a whole day with peace and war and Minnie and Europe, I- * retorted Henry. “Whose bothering you? Me?” loudly contradicted Marko- witz. “It’s your sister, Minnic, that’s doing all the bothering! Day and night, it’s, ‘Max, are we going to Europe when the war stops?’ ‘Max, should I prepare?? ‘Max, Mrs. Katz was in Europe twici She makes my life bitter from supper to breakfast. And it’s all on account of them weiber she meets by socicties and whists. So soon they stop knocking Atlantic City, they commence boosting Europe and Minnie’s got to keep quiet like a Frenchman in Berlin. And she get every minute. So we got to go to Europe.” “But, Max, was you ever in the Museum of Art?” inquired Henry What's that got to do with Europe?” Sadie—Cigarette fiend? — Sandy—Worse—coupon ! comicbooks.com