Judge — February 3, 1917 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Problem of the Pocket Grins in a case of misdirected matrimony, a Washington, D. C., magistrate decides that a wife who does not go through her husband’s pockets does not love him. First off, this sounds mediaeval —you steel your- self expecting His Honor to follow it up with that an- cient’ mirth peller, the mother-in-law joke. ) theless, the decision is timely and helpful. What husband, no matter how trustful of the stability of wifely affection, would have looked to find his wife’s love in his pockets? In the multiplicity of a husband's cares and duties, he often neglects the family mending. Hence, but for the Washington magistrate’s word of ad- monition, just a hole in the pocket might lose many a husband something far more valuable than the five-dollar gold piece to tip the waiter. A delicately nurtured husband finds it not easy to bring himself to go through his wife’s pockets. For one thing he may suspect that she has lost her job and is keep- ing it from him so as not to be- cloud their occasional hours together. Going through her pockets might apprise him of the secret it is better he should not know. Or she may have lost her money on clection—or the war bride she was best man to may have taken it into its head to get divorced—or—well, any- how, by the time he found the wifely pocket what son of Adam would have patience for further Satirist exploration therein, bar the possibility that he were Peary or Cook? Husbands who abstain from their wives’ pockets—even though not be- cause they do not love their wives—do sometimes wish they hadn't. Down in Passaic the other day a husband saw lying on top of a pile of his wife’s clothes what he took to be a piece of paper. He tossed it out of the window most people do, in spite of all the anti-rubbish ordinances and admonitions. Shortly thereafter his wife came home and he learned that in that piece of paper he threw away was $153 in bills—put away with his wife’s clothing because she didn’t trust the banks, except per- old reliable lisle-thread bank. then, to husbands and wives is this: Don’t affront the pock- et unless you are sure it will pocket the affront. Hark! from the Tomb T LAUGH was on Mare Antony when he asked for the loan of those ears. Nobody had thought to warn him that Champ Clark was about to abolish the Congressional Record. ere Justice—I'll let you off this time, but in future keep from bad company. ‘Thanks, yer honor! You'll never see me here again! Sixes and Sevens ‘OMEN, so the moralists tell us, take up the vices the men discard. Makes a gallant man feel pretty cheap when he hasn’t one to discard. 2 The Burlington, Vt., Free Press says that it imagines “there are parts of the White House which in point of ruled by Mrs. Wilson, without even the advice or consent of the President, let alone the Senate.” Why not ? s One hundred and twenty American millionaires are now paying the income tax. Egg on one’s shirt front gives a millionaire away. Automobilists say the pedestrian is the problem. In our school, the prob- Jem we couldn’t solve we wiped out. * William Jennings Bryan calls his new place down in North Carolina “ Mount Calm.” Calm, we said—not clam. & The band at the Wilson inauguration will play, “California, I love you,”—but if we were California’s husband we'd want to know whether it is a band or abandonment, ¢ Congressmen’s use of the mail- ing privilege might be less frank and more candid. ¢ Mr. Tagore urges us to “throw off the shackles of munda cupation and dwell in the s How do you get by with it when the wife wants another hat? 2 ‘The trouble is, every time the Allies make up King Constantine's mind for him, Queen Sophia brings in a dissenting majority report. away comicbooks.com