Judge — January 20, 1917 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stories The Babytown Express. There are trains that roar and rumble at the call of human stress, But the fastest and the gladdest is the Babytowa Express. It runs from Dawn to Twilight and you couldn't count the miles, For the track is made of fancy and the ties are laid in smiles. The good old backwoods pasture gate is train and engine, too, With Bud, on top, as engineer, to make the choo-choo-choo! Big Sis, the sweet conductor, takes the tickets on the way, Collecting hugs and kisses ‘rom the ones who have to pay. And sometimes, in a merry mood, she stops the train and then Goes round among the passengers and takes the fares again. It’s funny how the tourists, too, are willing that she should, Because it takes 2 lot of fures to make the service good. The Babytown Express makes stops to gratify each wish; It waits at Cookie Station and at Noodles-in-the-Dish. The noon stop’s Milk-and-Crackers and again at half-past four It halts at Bread-ant nearest point to kitchen door. ‘The day’s lust stop is Twilight, where the evening shadows fall— ‘Then they tumble in the sleeper—train crew, passengers and all. —Indianapolis News. Looked Suspicious—As Widow Watts bent industriously over her washtub, she was treated to polite conversation by a male y turned the conversation on matrimony, winding up with a proposal ye sure ye love me?” sighed the buxom widew, pausing in her wringing. And the man vowed he did. For a few minutes there was a silence as the widow continued her labor. Then suddenly she raised her head and asked him, suspiciously, “You ain’t lost yer job, ’ave yer?” —Chicago News. | | | An Efficient Hair Restorer—It could hardly have been caused by | old age—the man had been bald-headed, very bald-headed, for years, There had been a time when some of the innumerable preparations calcu- lated to prevent the falling out of hair had been tried, but his hair had ceased to fall only when not even a fringe remained. But the man was contented. He wore a wig—not a small, tight-fitting one, but a large, bushy one. But one day on the strect, as a wind caught away the man’s hat, his wig was snatched, too. Bareheaded, indeed, the made a futile grab, then waited while a small boy gave chase. Sonny,” said the man, as he gratefully rewarded the boy, “you're the quickest hair restorer I have ever found.” —Christian Herald. Essence of Good Sense—Very strong peppermints are grandpa’s favorite confection. One day he gave one to 4-year-old Marjorie and waited slyly to sce what she would say or do when she should discover the pungent flavor of the candy. A few minutes later he saw her take the partly-eaten peppermint from her mouth and place it on a small table beside an open window. ‘What’s the matter?” he asked. “Don’t you like the candy?” “Oh, yes,” replied Marjorie, “I like it, but I thought I’d let it cool for alittle while.’"—Christian Herald. A Matter of Pride—The expressman had bought a horse, but after dosing the deal he was not exactly satisfied with his purchase. “There is just one thing I don’t like about this horse,” he said. won't hold her head up.” “Oh, that is only her bloomin’ pride,” said the dealer. she is paid for.” —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. “She “She will when . Faithful to His Promise—One of the recruiting canvassers in an English provincial town was a well-known Magistrate. In most cases he | Succeeded in obtaining the promises he wished, but at last he knocked at ene cottage door, which was opened to him by a sturdy son of the soil. My man,” said the Magistrate, in his most persuasive tones, “are you willing to fight for your King and country?” : No, I beant, sir,” was the prompt reply. ‘“An’ I be surprised at you askin’ me for to do it. Two years ago come next month, you yourself fined I 20 shillings for fighting wi’ Bill Smith, and you said it was wicked ‘o fight, an’ I promised you as I wouldn’t repeat the offense, an’ allus kept my word.” —Buffalo News. Sweet Revenge—A well-known bridge player who imagined himself an quthority on the game, and who had proved to be a perfect bore among his riends by his verbal comments, suggestions and advice upon methods of with Smiles iend, who | Play, decided to write and publish a book. One copy was sent to a famous SS _— ) LLOW as a moon-bathe+ landscape—pure as a wood- land stream—rich as the store house of Mother Earth—“old as the hills"—Cascade. Original Bottling Has Old Gold Labet GEO. A. DICKEL & Co. Distitiers, Nashville, Tenn, PURE WHISKY The danger time | is when you say, “I can use benzine, naphtha or gasoline because J will be careful.” Don’t do it— CARPBUNA Cleaning Fluid —will clean perfectly, without injury to the most delicate fabric or color, —and Carbona —cannot explode Guaranteed not to contain Benzine, aphtha, Gasoline or other inflammable or explosive substance. 1§c.—25c.—soc.—$1.00 bottles. At all druggists comicbooks.com