Judge, 1917-01-13 · page 9 of 28
Judge — January 13, 1917 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a humorous dialogue between two Jewish immigrant characters, Markowitz and Henry, rendered in exaggerated dialect ("noives" for "nerves," "moichant" for "merchant," "ganef" for "thief"). **The Main Story:** Markowitz worries he's lost money when a customer (Davis & Springer) fails to pay, but discovers the account is actually balanced. Henry suggests Markowitz celebrate by buying a fancy phonograph with good music. Markowitz does so but complains that his family filled the parlor with the phonograph's records, disrupting the house. **The Satire:** The joke mocks working-class immigrant anxiety about money and the perceived frivolity of consumer goods. The phonograph—an expensive new technology—becomes a source of domestic chaos. The final tagline about marriage reflects contemporary humor about matrimonial regret. **The Image:** Shows the purchased phonograph in what appears to be an outdoor/rural setting, likely illustrating the story's setup. This represents early 20th-century American ethnic humor, stereotyping Jewish immigrants through dialect and comedic "types."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
a boiling samozar. Believe me, Max, if you would buy a fancy phonograph and hear good music, it would do you more good than cutting out cigars, schnapps, or auction pinocle—what you tried for a week. Stopping them things for the noives do so much good like little pills for an elephant. But music is so nec- essary for the enjoyment of life like sunshine, laughing, pleasure—you'll eat better, sleep better and—— “Sure I sleep better by music,” sarcasti cally interrupted the impatient Markowi “T never had such a good sleep like by the opera last night. But, Henry, what are you talking around here like an old woman? Tell. me quick how much we lost trom that ganef—Joe Davis—I mean Davis & Springer. It must be at least a hundred!” “Wait a minute, wait a minute,” muttered Henry as he again commenced turning the pages of his ledger. “‘Here— here—here it is!” “What's that?” he exclaimed, suddenly, “it’s all balanced! What were you crying about, Max? They don’t owe you a cent!” “Let me sce! let me see!” mumbled the astonished Marko- witz, examining the record. ‘‘That’s right; the last payment was November 4th. How should I know? I see a customer fails and I never would believe that I’m so lucky that he don’t owe me money. That Davis was a pretty honest. feller. Crops was very bad in his section and you know, Henry, when crops is bad, the farmers don’t pay; and when farmers don’t pay, storekeepers don’t pay. If I was Davis & Springer’s TWENTY MINUTES FROM THE STATION—WHEN HE BOUGHT IT creditors I would give them an extension. That Davis is a pretty decent moichant. He’s got a rich taste and he’s a regelar sport. I tell you I feel like I just found a hundred dollars.” “Then be a sport,” suggested Henry, “and buy a fancy phonograph with good music for your noives.” “Alleright,” agreed Markowitz, “we'll see.” . . . ° . . . . . “Fine advice you give me,” growled Markowitz, a week later. “I did just like you told me and bought a fancy phono- graph with——” “Nu did you get stuck?” asked Henry. “No, I got a dandy A, number one, machine,” replied Markowitz. “Did you get good records for the noives?” inquired Henry. “Records for the noives!” mimicked Markowitz, gesticu- lating wildly. “Sure we got records for the noives! So soon I got the machine in the house, Minnie made the rooms look like storage places. The parlor table she put in the bed-room; the rugs in the kitchen; thé library set in the dining-room; the—” “But what kind of records did you have?” demanded Henry. “Dance records, you fool! Music for the noives,” grum- bled Markowitz. “Oi! I wish we got stuck a thousand dollars by Davis & Springer.” In the Light of Experience Bill—Did you ever think of getting married? Doze—No I didn’t. It was my wife's idea all the time. comicbooks.com