Judge, 1916-12-30 · page 14 of 29
Judge — December 30, 1916 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humor pieces from *Judge* magazine: **Top section ("On Its Way")**: A dialogue between society woman Belle and her maid Janet about potential husbands. Belle obsesses over her weight while discussing suitors—Colonel Beveridge (drinks too much), Hon. Sidney Bird (too fat and politically ambitious), and Mr. Melton (unfaithful). The satire mocks upper-class women's shallow marriage calculations and vanity about appearance. **"Where We Parted" (poem)**: A sentimental verse parodying romantic poetry, playing on "Curly Locks"—likely referencing the nursery rhyme character—now "bald and bare." This mocks overly sentimental romantic literature. **Bottom right cartoons and captions ("In Bad Again," "Not Yet Prepared for That")**: These mock domestic conflict (husband staying out late) and critique the Authors' League's refusal to unionize with the Federation of Labor, suggesting authors were too concerned with income to support labor activism. The page's overall tone satirizes upper-class pretension, romantic clichés, marital dynamics, and labor politics of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ON I and if I have gained even one pound since last month I shall take desperate measures to reduce. Oh! Not so tight!’’ “Yes, madame. It doesn’t lace as it did.” Back in bed, elegantly and ci cushioned, Belle sipped her coffee and nibbled her toast daintily, apparently with scales in mind. But it was something else she was thinking about. It is even possible that a woman may think of two things at once. Janet was by a window lacing a night robe. “Among the men who visit me, Janet, which one, do you think, would make the best husband? “Oh! Madame! How should I know?” “Well, does Colonel Beveridge appeal to you?” “He seems a gallant gentleman, madame, but . . . “But is too fond of my cocktails, eh? That's what I think. How about the Hon. Sidney Bird? You know he is very clever—very young to have attained political distinction.” “But he, madame, is he not too fat?” “Ah! So you have a prejudice against stout persons, after all!” Belle laughed, hiding her vexation. “But to beadmired, madame, should not a man be slender?” “There! Anda woman also, I fear! I shall reduce! And at luncheon you must limit me to half a partridge.”” And no 3?” “No sweet Belle thought a mo- ment as though undecided. She would skip unimportant masculine items and come to the main question. “How about Mr. Melton, Janet?” “T should say, madame, that he is too gay—too fickle. “Fickle? Gay?” “Yes, madame. Always, when you are out of sight, he makes love to me.” Where We Parted HE place where we parted Is no longer there. That’s why I’m downhearted; The place where we parted, And Curly Locks started, Is now bald and bare. The place where we parted Is no longer there. —Howard C. Kegley. AN TS WAY In Bad Again 6¢TUST let me tell you this,” he said when his wife had chided him for being out after 12 o’clock at night, “I’m no longer a child. I’m old enough to take care of myself, and I’m not going to be tied to anybody’s apronstrings.”” “Don’t worry about that,”’she replied. “If you can afford to pay what it costs to stay out this late I'll quit wearing an apron.” Not Yet Prepared for That “TI see that the Authors’ League has decided not to affili- ate with the Federation of Labor.” “Yes. It seems that some of the authors found that they would not be able to make a living if they had to quit work every day at 4:30.”" INTERRUPTED ‘*CLOSE-UP” comicbooks; (CO 7m