Judge — December 23, 1916 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MARKOWITZ AND HENRY They Discuss Expensive Presents and Cheap Advice {) By LOU RAB “ ONEY is flowing like water,” complained Max Mar- kowitz, the skirt manufacturer, to Henry Shap- iro, his bookkeeper and brother-in-law, after reading aloud from an engraved card he was holding in his hand. “If it ain’t a tip, it’s a present. If it ain’t a present, it’s a contribution. And if it ain't a contribution, it’s a poor relation. I tell you——" “Sure by you moncy flows like water—like frozen wa- ter,” sarcastically commented Henry. “What if you spend a couple of dollars on a cousin’s wedding? You forgot already that when you was married to Minnie you wouldn't had a chair on what to sit ora table on wi to play pinocle if it wasn’t for them wedding presents from your relations.” “You think I mind so much giving a present? Oser!” denied Marko- witz, emphasizing the last word with a peculiar shrug of his shoulders. “But do you know, Henry, that since the last summer, presents got so expensive that I already spent more than a hundred dollars on such non- sense; and Christmas is only a couple of weeks aw Where you go, it’s all the time—present. If Mrs. Nathanson’s boy, what next door, graduates from high school, it’s a party with a ring! If Jake our foreman’s wife hi Zwilling, it’s another party with an extra-sized baby carriage. Who is expected to give it? Me, the boss, of coss! When the president from our society becomes an Ex, who's got to chip ina V?_ Max Markowitz! If Abe Marcus, my new pinocle friend, what's a relation from me like you're a relation from the Tzar of Russia, celebrates his wooden wedding, who's got to spend good money for an umbreller stand? Max Markowitz. I tell you, Henry, if we had a million wa nd oceans with prosperity, there wouldn’t be enough masumen to give every ——" “It ain’t so terrible, nicht so gefahrlich,” joshed Henry. “For spite all them presents, you got enough cash yet to run a Speedwell and smoke The connoisseur—Huh! that’s nothing. You ought to hear my dad when he shaves. = -= UNDER FIRE them ten cent Habanoras. Max, believe me if I was you—now look—I got to giv present to-day, and I’m so happy I got to give it, that there ain’t enough gold in the woild like I want to spend on it.” “So!” chuckled Markowitz, “I bet you it’s for Sadie Goldman.” “Nu, what if it is for Sadie Goldman, ain’t she woith her weight in golden presents?” de- manded Henry, blushing. “But, to tell you the truth, I don’t know what to buy. I want to get something that will tickle her so much that it will make Harry Fishkind, what’s always hanging around her h like a regular boarder, look like a losing politician after election. He’s a college feller, swims and skates so good like Sadie, and thinks he can cut me out. I wish you could tell me something nice to buy for her boithday.”” “An umbreller,” suggested Markowitz. “No,” replied Henry. “A picktche!” “Go on! “Candy.” “She ain't a baby and I ain’t a cheap skate!” “Furs!” “She ain’t my wife and I ain't no millionaire.” “A book.” That ain't such a bad_ idee,” Henry. “What kind of a book?” \ heavy book—a Shakespeare. “Eh!” disagreed Henry. “She'll think I think her a homely highbrow and get mad.” “Then buy her the latest love story with picktches.” “No,” disputed Henry, ‘she'll be insulted and say that I take her for a goil with nobody home in the head. “Henry! Henry!” exclaimed Markowitz after “You know what just got in my head? A good ten-dollar pair with it will even remarked a whi A pair of skates. shoes will cut the ice so nice that cut out that college feller.” “Yes, that ain’t a bad idee,” admitted Henry. “LT myself don’t care for them. I can only keep a balance in the books. But Sadie skates so fine (Continued on second page following.) comicbooks.