Judge — December 16, 1916 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FIGHTING TRIM WHETHER n the trenches, desk or in the home you need to keep fit. It’s comparatively easy for the soldier tokeepup toscratch, Thecivilian—man or woman—has a harder task. S tary much food and too mu ting it, combine to cause a more or your battle is ht behind an office en- insufficient exercise, too hh hurry about habits, less chronic condition of constipation Don’t think you can dispose of con- stipation with a cathartic pill. Laxi tives and cathartics cause more cor stipation than the and their persistent use is likely seriously to undermine your health. cure NUJOL relieves constipation effectively and has none of the objections which are common to all drug remedies. It acts as an internal lubricant, prevent- ing the bowel contents from becoming hard and facilitating the normal proces- ses of evacuation. NUJOL is bottled at the refinery and Is sold only in pint bottles bearing the name NUJOL and the imprint of the Standard Ol Company (New Jersey). Refuse substt- tutes—be sure you get the genuine. Dept. 13 NDARD OIL COMPANY (New Jersey) sTA Bayonne New Jersey Send for booklet, “THE RATIONAL TREATM eemeuenaia name and address plainly below. wseeee Address. City...........- --+ State ... 'T OF CONSTIPATION.” Write your ; 3 Shear S tea A Vain Longing I'd love to be a house’ I would love to spend my day In a cozy little kitchen while the moments sped away! With the nicey, spicy odors, homey, and yet sharp and strange, And the genial warmth proceeding from the cunning little range; With the mysteries of cooking, and the knowledge of the power To turn out a fresh creation of one’s genius, every hour; Oh, the drudgery of rhyming is a tame and thankless thing— I should love to be a housewife, that my very soul might sing ife! I'd love to be a housewife! Making beds and sweeping floors — Washing windows, if I chanced to need some exercise outdoors Ne’er a thought of earning wages to disturb the careless brain, Ne'er a fear of boss or foreman with its constant, prodding pain; Just the simple round of duty, with the mind at perfect rest. Thinking thoughts of love and beauty—free, and giving forth its bests Oh, the world with all its worries is a f And 1 fain would be a housewife, free from every earthly care sehood and a snare— Would that [had been a housewife! Naaght annoys her, year by year, But the tinner and the plumber when the bath-room’s out of gear, And the grocer and the garbage and the babies and the rugs, And the garden and the furnace and the roaches and the bugs And the neighbors with their gossip and the ice-man with his dirt And a slouchy, grouchy husband with the buttons off his shirt— Oh, it’s fine to be a housewife, sheltered from the madding mob, (But a man that digs a sewer has a sweeter, easier job.) —Ted Robinson, in Cleveland Plain Dea'er, Explained town, “that there hasn’t t That would seem to indi crime.” “Not necessarily.” replied the native. slick lawyers around here.”—Dallas Ne “The sheriff tells me,” remarked a visitor to a Westem na, prisoner in the county jail for over 3 e¢ that your community is unusually free fi “We've got some pre Grace’s Plaint—Grare (sobbing) You don’t love me! I know you don't. George Grace nearly a year, to kill himself three time: es you say that? Maude Mullins has bee lous he has shot her twi Why, darling, what r Beea j married y and tried Fastidious—* What's the matter, Hawkins?” “Matter enough! You know, some time ago I assigned all my: property to my wife, to—er—keep it out of the hands I am indebted to, you know.” Ye: “Well, she’: because I've swindled my creditors.” —NVew taken the money and gone off—says she won't live with me Orleans Times-Picayune. Why—* Why is itt truth will rise again when crushed to carth? “Because of its clasticity. of course. Don’t you know how easy it to stretch the truth?”—Boston Transcript. Not Afraid—“ An American citizen army would not fear asphysiati gases of any enemy.” “Why so?” “Every voter has smoked campaign cigars and survived.” Express. What Make of Car?—"It only takes me twenty minutes to get ! my office,” said Mr. Chuggins. rive until an hour after you telephoned that you -Bufide It took me the other forty minutes to get the car started Washington Star. Best He Could Offer—“‘Then you think I can’t learn to sing?” “T fear not.” “But, professor, I do so y “Take up yodcling is my advice.” —K. arn to be musical.” nsas City Journal. Truth, the Unpalatable ys like to hear a man say whi! thinks.” But people who always say what they think usually think such agreeable things.”"—Chicago Herald. “Tal he Convincing— at author has a most convincing style of diction” But you ought to have heard the agent who sold me the books —Weashington Star. comicbooks.