Judge — December 9, 1916 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Passing the Mustard No Incentive There—“I wish I had some new clothes,” complained Mattie. “I never have anything like the other girls.” *aWell, dear,” said Aunt Mary, “you know it is a smili ok at rather than pretty clothes. It is very much better to be good than well dressed. oe . - “[t isn’t in our school,” said Mattie. “Nobody wants to be good for tar they will dic young.” —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. AReal Surprise—“I was talking to my colored man of all work the * said James Yates Mellen, of Cleveland, ‘‘and I asked him if he st to church. Yessuh, I goes to church every Sunday,’ he said. Are you a member?’ “Yessuh.” “What church?’ “‘Prespertecryn. “‘Do you believe in the doctrine of election?’ “Yessuh.” “Do you think I am elected to the saved?" “Taw, Mr. Mellen, I didn’t even know you all was a candidate!’” Cadand Plain Dealer. Cautioned—Jack—That horse knows as much as I do. Bdle—Well, don’t tell anybody. You may want to sell him some dsy—Philadel phia Bulletin. Just as Good—Helter—Have you a book called “How to Acquire a | Good Carriage? Clerk—No, sir, but here is “Seven Ways to Obtain an Automobile.” Teedo Blade. Efficiency—Central Station Manager—Have you been studying the sci- ence of efficiency? Applicant- had to quit reading about it. Got so interested that I found it was interfering with my regular work.—New York Sun. Her Dilemma—Lady—I’m worried about my complexion, doctor. Look at my face! Doctor—Y ou'll have to diet. Lady—I never thought of that. think?—Pickings. What color would suit me best, do you Highbrow Vituperation—‘ What are you doing with that dictionary?” “T gotta little spare time now,” replied the umpire. ‘I’m just looking upa few of them names the Boston highbrow rooters called me.”’"—Brooklyn Eagle, His Retort—I} refused you six times. Hub—Yes, and then my luck gave out.—Boston Globe. fe (during the spat)—I wasn’t anxious to marry you. I Perplexed —You're looking awfully gloomy, old top. What's the trouble?”” ouble cnough, old top. Me valet’s sick, dontcherknow, and I don’t know whether I’ve got on the proper tie and socks that go with the suit I'm wearing!" —Browning’s Magazine, Going Too Far—“I never heard of such a thing. She borrowed my | puff.” That is a loan often requested among ladie: “But she used it to touch up her white shoes.””—Kansas City Journal. read. “He needn't think he’s so much. years.” —Lousiville Courier-Journal. Our cook has been turning out one for He Was—Bill—Jones, the Welshman, he’s cloped with ma wife. Jack—Wey, Aa thowt he was you werry best pal. Bill—Aye, and so he is, but he dissent’ knaat yit!—Newcastle Chronicle. Rather Indefinite—A mateur Palmist—I think you are going to be married twice. Miss Willing—You think! I'd rather you were sure I was going to be married once.—Boston Transcript. Hi abe Scot Scored—A military journal relates an amusing story of a 'ghlander who, on being shown over a man-o’ for the first time in his was keenly interested in all he saw. The marines seemed particularly g face that people | Not New—‘I sce some scientific sharp has discovered a substitute for | CASCADE Wile skill plays its part in the # distilling, and care plays its part in grain selection and in purification, time plays a lone part in the aging of Cascade: Henceits wholesome mellowness. Original Bottling Has Old Gold Label GEO. A. DICKEL & COMPANY, Distillers NASHVILLE, TENN. oo fo rR | | If you can draw a little and ] | want to draw more, you have an opportunity to learn at small expense to yourself. ; EUGENE ZIMMER- MAN has an established reputation as a_ car- toonist. He has put some of the tricks of his trade into a book, “CARTOONS AND CARICATURES” bound neatly in 34 mo- rocco, which will be sent to you prepaid on receipt of $1.00. ZIM BOOK Building, 225 Fifth Ave., New York City 12-9 Brunswick = = ITT TT J Ben comicbooks.com