Judge, 1916-12-02 · page 6 of 36
Judge — December 2, 1916 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous column by Terrell Love Holiday presenting "Santa's Resolutions"—a critique of thoughtless Christmas gift-giving practices among the wealthy. The satire targets: **Social absurdities mocked:** - Giving noisy toys to families with many children (implying neighbors will suffer) - Gifting unwanted siblings instead of requested pets - Presenting diamond jewelry to wives whose husbands need basic clothing repairs - Donating false teeth to relatives (playing on class assumptions) - Re-gifting worn gloves annually instead of meaningful presents - Installing cheap, out-of-tune pianos in apartment buildings where neighbors will hear them - Gifting expensive books nobody reads The column ridicules upper-class gift-givers for thoughtlessness disguised as generosity—prioritizing appearances over actual utility or consideration for recipients and their communities. The tone is satirical moral instruction wrapped in humorous "resolutions."
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The Christmas Gi Good All Year ’Round Parents, boys and girls and guest: games of Carom and Pocket Billiar tables in cozy home surroundings. After school hours and winter evenings of merriment and wholesome exercise. s are all fascinated by the royal ‘ds when played on Brunswick always find the Brunswick the center Some styles can be set up quickly anywhere and taken down easily after play. “Grand,"”’ “Baby Grand,’ sizes to fit all homes regardless of room. Made of beautiful oak and mahogany that lasts a lifetime—speed, accuracy an Convertibles’? and ‘Quick Demountables’’ in richly inlaid, masterful cabinet work ever-level smoothness, SUPERB BRUNSWICK Home Billiard Tables $30 and Up—Pay 10c a Day A small first payment puts any Brunswick that you select in your home for Christmas, After that, pay the balance monthly. Why wait when you can play while you pay?—termsaslow as 10 cents a day. Balls, Cues, Etc., Free With every Brunswick Table we give you a complete Brunswick high-class Playing Outfit— Rack, Markers, Balls, Cues, Tips, expert book of 33 games, etc. Get our 30-day home trial offer and see these tables in our handsome colored catalog —"Bi- Mards—The Home Magnet.” ‘This book gives full information— shows how home billiards keeps boys off the street, supplies the whole household with year-round health and entertainment. Write or send the coupon printed below and have this catalog by return mail free! ‘Then decide in time for Christmas delivery. Send This Coupon for Billiard Book FREE The Brunswick-Balke-Collender Co. Dept, 43K 623-633 S. Wabash Ave., Chicaro Send FREE, postpaid, your illustrated color-book, | “Billiards —The Home Magnet” and tell about your home trial offer. Name Bargains. Send for Free Catal This epecial election of Diamond-set jew: elry shows the most popul new mountings. Gi of the season’ }y beautiful Dia Gorgeous) monds, of fiery brilliancy, set in eolid gold or Prices are cut’al bree 2 pian. Chrcritad renenta oe for ‘oe vnbewelry rene ‘orarel a OF [OF TIS -=: BROS & CO. £358 sterve wise’ THE RELIABLE ‘AND WATCH CREDIT HOUSE most to cost. Any ter Telling all above Sear All the woods. scart pina, ear ‘watches, “ehaine, i tame 108 N. State Bt. 74 CABO, ILLINOIS ‘Pittabergh, SL Lewis, Omee- * SANTA’S RESOLUTIOx Per TERRELL LOVE UWOLLIDAY ESOLVED—That where there 2 seven or eight children in a family, | will not stock them up with hon, drums, whistles and noisemaking devigg unless all the neighbors are deaf, (I cause two cases of kidicide last year.) i That I will not palm off on some unsys pecting little chap a baby sister, when he hss asked fora bull pup. (That has a tendency to destroy faith in me.) * : That I will not, no matter how hard & may beg, present to a lady a diamond ston, acher, when hubby's pants need a patch (It’s all right to put up a good front, by there ought to be something behind it.) That I will not leave Uncle Widegullet new set of tecth. (He swallowed the oth and did not care enough about the take an emetic.) That instead of the pair of gloves whid she has received annually for the past tq years, I will leave a nice old widowers hand for Etta Elderby. (That will keep bi hands just as warm, won’t it? And I'll be she will hold onto it.) That I will not deposit any cheap gram phones or out of tune player pianos in apar ment houses. (Some people don’t know when they have enough, but their neighbors geo- erally do.) That I will not this year, as often before give any handsomely bound volumes of e- gravings to blind men. (It is awful th way some of them swear about a thing of that sort.) That I will not be accessory to a donatios party for Parson Pinch, of Pumpkin Comers (Last time his congregation landed upon him with a red flannel nightshirt, a dollar wat that would not run, and forty pecks of onions The parson thought—and so did I—tht that was going it a bit too strong.) That I will not take Mrs. Reno a new band. (I’ve taken her five and she always loses them. Careless child!) That every kiss-hungry girl shall have a spray of mistletoe and a man to help be enjoy it. (I must not forget about the MAN. A lot of perfectly good mistletoe hs gone to waste in previous years.) (Signed) Santa Ciavs. RESOLVED — That thes nd undoubtedly if he could cary s, owing to the Postscript: resolutions are simply great would make Santa famou: them out. BUT, wher backward state of the public mind, they a wholly impracticabl THEREFORE, be it finally and regré fully resolved, that he must continue his ok. reprehensible customs for at least anothet year. (Signed) Mrs. Santa CLats N. B.—Santa is an old silly, not to have asked me about these before he wrote ther Mrs. S.C His Specialties Young Huggins calls on Gladys Mae, And sticks and hangs for hours. The maid admires his clinging way; Her Dad, his staying powers.