Judge — November 11, 1916 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOVELTIES FOR THE HORSE SHOW had Rockefeller’s credit,’ ‘If—if? all the time. Henry, I ain’t got no otomobile, [ don’t want no otomobile and I won't get no otomobile! And that settles it. Katz has got one, let him worry! Believe me he'll have tzoress enough. Just ask my cousin Sam Epstein what sold twenty cents on the dollar. He'll tell you that a machine ain't a pleasure. It’s one blow- out after another, Them blow- outs make a bigger hole in your pocket-book than in the tires. Look at the expenses! The prices of everything, excepting plain postal cards, goes up when a storekeeper sees a customer come in with a duster and ten-pound cye-glasses. And insur- ance too! Accidence, fire, boiglar—with an extra life-insurance policy for yourself. Henry, an otomobile to be run right ain't an article for one man to handle for himself. You got to bea corporation, with at least five partners. Foist a good buyer and business man what can himself buy cheap and wholesale, without the chauffeur. Then a detectif to watch the chauffeur on joy rides. Also a diplomat to keep a chauffeur more than a week, when he finds that he can’t get away with anything. Besides a man’s got to be a lawyer to save court expenses and a doctor what's a good bonesetter. And— “Nonsense, nonsense,” broke in Henry. “You think of only the little bad things and forget all about the big good things. You forget how quick you can get around in an——” “Yes, yes,” interrupted Markowitz sarcastically. “You can get quicker to court when you own an otomobile. But let’s drop the otomobile from your head and think in it a little, a plan how to get home to-night. Come, let’s go down and see what's doing. Maybe we can get a bus to uptown and then walk to the Bronx. “Why walk,” demanded Henry, “hen you can telephone and right away will come a Speedwell what will take you home like a prince? You don’t have to buy and it will cost you notting.”” “What? Something for notting!” exclaimed Markowitz. * Ain't I proved you before that there ain’t no such thing. Don’t bother me no more with Lazarus and Speedwell! Come down- dollars!’ ‘If 1 stairs Henry dejectedly followed his boss to the street which was filled with all kinds of vehicles packed to sufio cation with passengers, who were compelled to use this as the only safe means of conveyance, on account of the pre- vailing car strike. After several unsuccessful attempts to squeeze into one of the omnibuses, Markowitz lost his pa- tience and was looking around for a taxicab when he heard someone cry, “Hello, Markowitz!" He turned around to see his competitor Katz, with his family and friends comfortably seated in a large touring car which halted on account of the congestion of traffic. “Come on, Markowitz,” called out Katz in a patronizing tone. “Come on! There's room here by the chauffeur, on the floor.” Markowitz didn’t answer but looked away; his face turning a deep purple from suppressed anger, indignation and envy. as he whispered excitedly to Henry, “Hurry up! Can you get Lazarus with a Speedwell? I'll learn that feller, that blood sucker Katz, a lesson! Quick, telephone!” Henry rushed into a neighboring drug store, dashed into a telephone booth and soon had his friend Lazarus on the wire. “Hurry up, Iz he shouted. ‘‘Here’s a chance to make a sale, quick. Pick me and Markowitz up on Twenty-third Young husband—-You are always right, dear! Young wife Do you really think so? Jeere cae Dk seal’ And 1 em always wrong uboct everything. SOInICDOOkoaam A