Judge — November 4, 1916 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HERE is a good deal of uncasiness among the evangelically prudent over the quality and the quantity of ki uitable for presentation in picture-show houses. Among some well-mean- ing people there seems to be a conviction that the kiss, what- ever its original intent and pur- pose, becomes diabolical after a lapse of so many seconds. Happily the silent drama, proceeding as it does from a reel unwound at a fairly regular rate, enable us to set linear limitations to all the human emotions essential to the delectation of the hundred million people in this country who go to the picture shows. Purity and wholesomeness in kisses have now become a matter of millimeters; microbes have nothing to do with it. The militant uplifters who are now indulging in this particular field of public service are much at sea in regard to the proper length of the thousand and one varieties of osculations. Members of the same board of censorship have come to everything but terms and blows over the matter. Some pco- ple, who openly confess that they ought to know about such things, depose that the soul kiss may with safety and propriety extend five or six feet beyond the danger zone established by other censors, who also admit their ability. Some who are stingy about the deep- rooted soul kiss would allow the per- functory smack due an_ intermittent mother-in-law to proceed indefinitely. Still more absurd are those who would allow a man ten or twelve feet in which to kiss his wife and then restrict him to a scant yard with the golden-haired, blue- eyed doll who takes his dictation and runs his business. It is plain to be seen that kissing is not a matter for uplifters to pass upon. Very few of them have been kissed re- cently, and even these few evidently forgotten all about it. First Personal Singular Some people would soon lose their powers of speech if there were no per- sonal pronouns. CARTIL JONES S Space is something found in great profusion in the heavens and in the upper portion of the human anatomy. It is also quite prevalent in rural dis- tricts, but is found only in minute quan- tities in large cities, where it usual consists of a green spot called a Munic- ipal Park. The reason that such a space exists as space is because it is entirely surrounded by keep-off-the-grass signs. Among those places where space never exists may be mentioned tenement dis- tricts, between young couples three months before and one month after marri between the conversation of a party of women, in theaters where sex dramas are presented, and in the Con- gressional Record Space may be hired by the inch in newspapers, apartment houses and office buildings. The most valuable space in newspa- pers is that next to pure reading matter and in buildings is that next to pure breathing matter. Many writers get paid by space, although most of them would like it much better if they received money. Savants who specialize in the study of space are called cither astronomers or alienists. Quite Possible Mrs. Hughes is said to be a model wife, mother and housekeeper and yet she has been an advocate of woman suffrage for years. Isn't it possible that this may apply to several hundred thousand other suffragists and that it is only when women actually begin to vote that they lose all the domestic virtues? comicbooks.