Judge — October 28, 1916 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Death of Humor T LAST the system fiends had com- pleted their labors in the humor After Herculean efforts they had succeeded in cata- loguing every lu- dicrous joke and lugubrious pun that has been per- petrated since Adam told Eve that woman was a side issue. Their marvelous system consisted of acard index with a field nucleus-finding attachment by means of which all the disguising variations of sub- tle plagiarists and all the confusing accretions of changing time could be pierced to the core and each joke traced to its original state. Humorous editors, that is to say humor editors, hailed the innovation as a needed boon, and soon every humorous publication had the system in- wet Spring, the hot Summer, the high price of gasoline and other calamities. Careful observation, however, suggests that the flourishing condition of the mosquito family is due to existing styles in human garb. Children’s legs are being recklessly exposed to the attacks of the rapacious anopheles. Women’s skirts have emulated the necessities of life in going up. Both the male and the female throat is uncovered at all hours of the day and night. The mosquito is living on the fat of the land. The past few years have been big ones for him. The next few years promise to be even bigger. what with the increasing craze for dancing in lace curtains on the greensward and for scanty bathing suits. It looks as though the country would have to choose be- tween retaining the mosquitoes or swath- ing its limbs in heavy warm-weather garments; and the outlook for the mos- quito is emphatically rosy stalled in its editorial office where a single glance could tell if h promising contribution had been used before. And very soon every humorous publication went out of business owing to lack of origi nal material. The Fortunate Mosquito HE SUMMER of 1016 will be remembered—until the summer of 1917—as a season overburdened with innumerable mosquitoes possessing an inordi- nate thirst for human blood. The apparent increase in the numbers of this ferocious insect has been variously blamed on the War, the EVERYBODY DOES Consultent—Don't you enjoy good health, madam ? Consulter—I certainly do, doctor. I only wish I had some of it! Sixes and Sevens CIFISTS are inconsistent creatures. They draw the line on* Onward, Christian Soldiers,” but they don’t saya word against “Here Comes the Bride.” 2 In 191g the United States produced 315,154 talking machines. Some of them ought to make the right man happy. * Reginald de Koven complains that he got only $33.33 1-3 for “O Promise Me.” Well, what of it? It wasn’t a fox trot, £ Charity covers a multitude of sins and the congressional franking privilege kicks the cover off. 2 A man’s judgment in picking « wife is usually in his wife's name.” If a few more States go “dry.” it is going to leave a lot of straws with noth- ing to do but show the wind which way to blow. * If life’s battles were but “official war diss how easily we could all win! 2 Getting married has its draw- backs, but take it from Queen So- phie of Greece, being a sister to him is no cinch, cither e To some men religion stairway to higher things; others it is a fire-escape. t Ever notice how man who turns the other check is the man who has check to spare? naught tches,” is a to seldom the comichooksse cia