Judge — October 14, 1916 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE FINE old maxims sometimes fail, and show them- T selves of small avail. My father used to say to me, “Salt down the dimes, where’er you be. It isn’t what a fellow makes that saves him from financial breaks, but what he wisely puts a . against the dark and rainy d. All through my youth I heard this spiel, “Salt down, salt down the shining wheel,” so when I came to man’s estate. I thought the scheme was truly great. I watched with pity other lads, who lavishly blew in the scads, as to the bank I took my way, with hard-earned kopecks, every day. They went to dane nd the like; they raced fast trot- ters on the pike; they blew in money on the girls, and swelled around like belted earls. And I denied myself all fun, and buckled down to saving mon, and I toiled I often said, “These lads who paint the village red, and throw the useful plunks away, will all be broke, some bitter day. And while they for a handout yell, in Easy street I hope to dwell.” And so I slaved and wrought betimes, and saved the pen- nies and the dimes, and skinned cockroaches for their hides. and missed the fun this world provides. And now I'm old and worn and bent, and here I sigh, with- out a cent. The bank went broke in which I placed the rubles I so long had chased. The cashier sloped between , and left a lot of frantic j The chaps who made a song, and frolicked as they went along, still smile and raise the joyful whoop, while I am struggling in the soup. side my father’s grave—my father taught me how to and what I say, and what I think, must put his spirit on the blink. Not To Be Cajoled We sternly chided the colored citizen who was raining vil- lainous vituperation, contumelious conversation and deroga- tory denunciation on the head of his mule because the latter would not stand still. “Speak kindly to the faithful a we said. “Endearing terms are far better than— “Dis ding-busted varmint won't stand for flattery rupted the simple son of Senegambia. inter- No Hostilities Knicker—How do you keep your cooks? Subbubs—We don’t steal them within a three-mile limit. THE WISDOM OF THE VILLAGERS ‘a certain village there lived a youth who was considered a half-wit, and in truth some of his actions were unusual. And it chanced that there was a grocery store in the com- munity which was frequented by a coterie of checker players and soap-box politicians who were wise beyond all under- standing. They could figure the national debt down to the last herring in the box. Now the half-wit resided in the home of an elderly aunt who frequently sent him to the store for a spool of Number Thirty or a dime’s worth of bluing, and his presence in their midst was a source of great joy to the wiseacres who adorned the egg cases. One of their excrutiating pleasures was to hold a dime in one outstretched hand and a penny in the other, to see which the half-wit would choose. He unfailingly took the copper, and it never failed to create a ripple of merriment among the prune philosophers. Old Home Week rolled around and hundreds of people long since grown up and famous journeyed back to the little flag- station, their pockets filled with favorable press notices cal- culated to establish their claim to being the most famous sons of the settlement. During the festival the cracker-box congressmen worked the poor half-wit overtime. From dawn to dark they passed among the visitors, showing them what a pitifully feeble- minded individual the community possessed At length, when the week was grown old, a sage who felt compassion for the half-wit called him aside and said: “Oh, fool, a dime is ten times greater in value than a penny, even though it is smaller. Why do you persist in selecting the coin of least value?” The fool’s face lighted with a smile, as he drew a plump wallet from an inside pocket. “If I should choose the dime,” he replied, “1 would no longer be a fool!” And there dawned upon the sa; Moral: “A fool and his money a great light. are soon parted!” Werben Cbs Bill, music always gits me!