Judge — October 7, 1916 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

his fool back by falling out of that tree. And I figger that when them anecdotes occur they'll be plumb worth waiting for.”—Kansas City Star. Not an Evangelist—The orthodox minister’s son, Tommy, aged five, had a fight with a larger boy, with the usual result. As his mother washed the blood and tears from his face, he sobbed: . . “Jimmy will g-go away into ev-ev lasting punishment for this, w-won’t Ob, I hope he'll repent and be saved,” said his mother. “Well, I just hope he won't,” said Tom.—The Christian Herald. Proof—It was the rush hour in one of those quick-lunch places where you help yourself and use the arm of your chair as a table. A man called for a piece of pie, and chose a chair; then, remembering that he wanted cofice, he dashed over to the service counter. When he returned with his cofice his chair was occupied by another hurry-up diner. “Excuse me,” said the first man, “but that is my chair.” “How do you know it is your chair?’? demanded the occupant, in asurly tone. “Because I can prove stated the first man. “How can you prove it? ked the occupant. . “By your trousers,” was the reply. ‘You are sitting on my pie.” — Pickings. An Intellect Twister—Macklin was once lecturing on ‘Literature and the Stage,” and in discussing the education of memory, boasted that he could repeat any formula of words after hearing it. Samuel Foote, the sardonic comedian, who was one of Macklin’s auditors. wrote out and sent to the platform the rigamarole that has ever since been famous: “So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie. Atthe same time a great she bear, coming up the street, pops its head, into the shop. “What! No soap?’ “So he died, and she very impudently married the barber; and there were present the Pickaninnics, the Jobililies and the Gayrulies, and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at the tip; and they all fell to playing the game of catch-as-catch-can till the gunpowder ran out of the heels of their boots.” Macklin failed, and so does everybody that tries orally to repeat the confusing arrangement of words.—Detroit Free Press. Not Likely—The excited customer rushed into the little chemist’s shop. “Give me twopennyworth of ipecacuanha, quick, and charge it up on our bill.”” ! Here you are! Whose bill does it go on?” Rhododendrons, Laurel Avenue.” a “ Marjoribanks.”” “Here, take the bloomin’ stuff as a gift! Think I’m going to waste ink and paper in writing ipecacuanha, rhododendron, and Cholmondel Marjoribanks for twopence?” Desecrating the Sabbath—The ‘‘dreary Glasgow Sunday” i from being a mere figure of speech. A fat, jovial-looking Americ: ing his hotel one fine Sunday morning for a stroll, came upon square policeman, who eyed him and said: “Ye had better tak’ care, sir, what ye're doing.” What am I doing?” inquired the tourist, and added, with a merry “Why, I'm not even whistling.” No,” replied the Gla: i - a an, in solemn and reproving tones, “but ye're lookin’ maist as happy if it wis Monday.”—Liverpool Poat. cone onomy—In the third-class compartment of the city train the vaversation turned on the important subject of economy. Various views “ere expressed. Then a small man in one corner said, slowly: A friend o mine ys, ‘e’s more of an acquaintance like—'e Spent a ’a’penny in five years,” Rot!” “What ‘are you givin’ us?” and similar remarks grected this statement. Fact!” said the small one, briefly, as he lit his pipe. ‘But ’e’ll be out of jail next week!" —Tit-Bits. ah Business Head—“Open the window, waiter; 1 am just roasting!” sonnet exclaimed who had just dined at a restaurant. dae it_up, waiter; I am frozen,” protested a man who had just The waiter hesitated. ‘The proprictor settled the dispute at once. 4 Obey the customer who has not yet dined,” he said.—London Satur- ournal, ' If you can Fill Your Ylass~ stra Dry , ae gine Fill your glass with the juice of the grape, transformed by time and skill into buboles and bouquet sea the very essence of perfection in purity, flavor and life. Sold everpwher Served everwhere AMERICAN WINE CO, ST. LOUIS, U.S.A. wo pans RS draw a little and want to draw more, you have an opportunity to learn at small expense to yourself. EUGENE ZIMMER- MAN has an established reputation as a car- “ toonist. Der URTELT a Hea He has put some of the tricks of his trade into a book, “CARTOONS AND CARICATURES” bound neatly in 34 mo- rocco, which will be sent to you prepaid on receipt of $1.00. ZIM BOOK 10-7 Brunswick Building, 225 Fifth Ave., New York City comicbooks.com