Judge, 1916-09-30 · page 8 of 28
Judge — September 30, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"An Autumn Sweetheart"** is a sentimental romantic poem—likely included for contrast or gentle mockery of flowery Victorian courtship language. **"No Change"** satirizes small-town life, where a store proprietor complains that fundraising schemes, traveling entertainers (picture enlargers, circus acts), have drained the community of actual money. The joke: rural towns remain perpetually unchanged despite constant activity. **"Some Languages Are Not Built for Speed"** is a German-language joke where a Colonel assumes a lady won't understand German, mocking both German's reputation as harsh-sounding and stereotyping women's linguistic abilities. **"The Screechless Drama"** jokes that a mediocre soprano would be better suited to silent films (moving pictures)—where audiences wouldn't hear her voice. **"Her Committee"** puns on "Ways and Means" (a legislative committee) versus "Ways and Meanness," suggesting wealthy women's clubs were cattily gossipy. The cartoon depicts a child at a shop window, promised candy but reminded he can't change his mind—illustrating commitment's burdens.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
An Autumn Sweetheart WEETE RT, I should like to men: tion (And TI trust you will not mind!) t your eyes are like the gentian ) in the autumn wind; That the maple’s colors rimple Through your ch both out and in; And that there’s a witching dimple In your chin! Sweetheart, I should like to tender This remark (if you'll permit!) That, although you may look slender, You've a figure that is “fit the stuff that dreams are made of, h a smile to banish woe, And with soft hair just the shade of Golden-glow! Sweetheart, should I call you sprightly, Tam sure you'd not be miffed, For you tread the lawn as lightly <As the dancing thistle-drift; And your low voice seems to capture, In the fragrant twilight hush, All the fond departing rapture Of the thrush! Sweetheart, I should like to linger, And this lyric strain prolong, Did not time's remonstrant finger Put a pause upon my song; Yet I must add this—this onl, If I yield you homage due;— Life were loveless, life were lonely, But for you! —Clinton Scollard. No Change 66C)H-YAH! I reckon you're right about not finding much change in Petunia,” grimly said the proprictor of the Tote Fair store, addressing a friend who had been absent for several years. “The good ladies of the commu- nity have been raising money for vari ous worthy but hitherto-unheard-of the picture enlargers and cyclo- agents have been thicker than fid- dlers in Tophet, and then here comes a circus last week and mops up what lit- tle there was left. Yep!—if you can find any change here [ wish you would let me know where it is at!” Her Committee Mrs. Knicker—Did you join the club? Mrs. Newrich—Yes, I'm on the Com- mittee on Ways and Meanness. Some Languages Are Not Built for Speed Colonel Krautheim—I want to speak to the boss confidentially, but there is a lady in there. Private Secretary—Why don’t you speak to him in German? She doesn’t understand German Colond Krautheim few minutes. But I have only a The Screechless Drama Visitor —What kind of a soprano is she? Impresario—Well, 1 think she would do well in a moving picture Yh yt I iy N10 STP 1 SAAT IE Qbvere Quandary a sun that shines and a read ake, Asky that beckons, a wind that calls And my heart is feeling the old-time ache The wander fever that burns and thralls. And the chains of duty IT fain would break And free myself from my prison walls But—here at home there's a wife to keep And a flock of children that cost a pile. And the price of living is far from cheap And the bills mount up in a fearful style, So however my gipsy heart may leap The rest of me'll stay on the job a while! —Berton Bralev. raat a ott ‘Sk ic in ba ih: | TT Brother—Come on, Nellie! Remember you promised you'd buy lickerish with it. so you can’t change your mind! comicbooks.