Judge — September 23, 1916 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MAY WE CUT IN? Aren't you tired to death of your dancing partner? Doesn't his talk of stocks bore you to extinction? Don't you wish he'd get a new theory of the war? Wouldn't you weep on his collar with joy if he eased up on politics and the tariff? Has he ever had a new thought since Euripides died? Or maybe it's she! Isn't she fat, forty, and fashionless?_ Aren't you weary of hauling her fourteen stone around by the elbows? Don't you wish she'd twitter about something besides her diet list and her dachshund? Don't you yearn for some kindly philanthropist to take her away ? Vanity Fair Will Give You the Dance of Your Life We'll give you a dance with a little novelty. We'll let a ray of sunshine into that dark- ened life of yours. We won't bore you with the tariff, or the stock-market, or the rela- tion-of-capital-to-labor, or the seven rea- sons why a business man ought to exercise Instead, we'll give you a party. We'll show you the latest bizarreries of the tango-worms; the carbaret haunts of the wake -me-up-at We'll teach you how to writ: bosom, how to wei Are you berod a tiara without hatpins, and how to tel Are you bored eh ion Newport dowager from a sea-lion. We'll with her? give zea the dance of your life. May we cut in There’s a Way to Signal for a New Partner It's perfectly easy to get acquainted. You don't need any drag with the ball committee. All you need is one simple little dollar, to bring you six months of the maddest, best little part- . ner in the world —Vanity Fair. It will chaperon you in New York's most frigid marble-and-gold societ how you the newest inti take you behind the nd tell you where to go shopping. It will tell you what to ramble on about at Just tear off dinners and dances. It will whisper to you that coupon addresses where you can dance the “walkin’ the dog” (even though you are happily married). It will present you to the celebrities, buy youa log or a motor car, give you plenty of sports, and keep you in step with the whirling prog- ress of the time. You don’t even need to send the dollar now; just sign and mail the coupon and steal away with the current issue of Vanity your arm. An Interrupted Reading GRILLINGS had proposed to his wig that they go down to the se: of the long, quiet, restful day had enjoyed before the days of ther marriage. He proposed that they take 3 volume or two of poems with them and be would read aloud to her as in the days of their courtship. Mrs. Skillings fell in with the idea and they carried the plan jintg effect, taking with them their three Young hopefuls. “The children can play on the sand and * amuse themselves while we read,” Skillings had said. “I'd like to have a dip into Browning and Keats. It would be quite like the old days.” It was somewhat unlike the old days as he discovered later. He and Mrs. Skillings had seated themselves on the sand and the reading went forward in this fashion: “*Grow old along with me!’” “Harold Skillings, get out of that water! What do you mean by wading in so far? | told you not to go in above your knees! Now you mind me or you sha’n’t wade at all!” “*The best is yet to be, the last of life For which the first——’” “Edgar! What do you mean by making your little sister cry by pouring sand down her back? Now you stop it or you'll have to come and sit here and not play at all!” “*Our times are in his hand, Who saith——’” “Now what is the matter with you, Susie, that you are screaming like that? Edgar put a worm on you? Edgar, what do you mean by doing a thing like that?” “*Poor vaunt of life indeed, Were man but formed to feed On joy—’” “Harold, if you and Edgar don’t stop getting your clothes all wet splashing water on each other you will both get your ears boxed. Look at your nice, clean waists! You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!” “*Then, welcome cach rebuff That turns carth’s smoothness rough,” “No, Edgar, you can’t have anything to eat now and you go right away from that lunch basket! No, you are not ‘starved to death,’ and if you go to eating now it wil spoil your appetite for your dinner! Keep out of that basket, I tell you!” “*For pleasant is this flesh; Our soul, in its rose-mesh “Where have those children gone to now! You'll have to stop reading until I have looked them up. There is no telling what mischief they will get into if they are not watched. You know you have to keep your eye on Edgar every blessed minute. You can go on reading by yourself while 1 look them up. Edg-a-a-a-r! Har-0-0-0-0-0d Where are you? I shall give all three of them a good shaking when I get hold of them. Then I'll come back and see if we @% go on in peace with our Browning!” —Morris Wade. Regrets are like women: when people look back at them it makes them vain. comicbooks: