Judge — September 16, 1916 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Look to the Hog T° ANYONE who secks proof of ability to overcome the handicap of a be- smirched ancestry, we commend the over- riding evolution of the Hog. Away back before Christendom was born, the Hog was cursed by the Law. Centurieslater, showing signs of com- ing back, he was drowned in the se But the Hog come back. H social standing is so high, and the price of his prepared pres- ence so exclusive, that he occupies a place at the table only with the Alfalfa Aristocrat and the uncomfortably Rich. Sometimes he lifts his proud nose to the Opulent Banker or deigns to mix with the Bankruptcy Receiver, but to his liquid eye the ordinary mortal is plebe- ianism personified. * On the Board of Trade he has rooted his firm intrenchment, grunted his disap- proval of manipulation and squealed on the plunger. He has made millionaires of paupers, and pauperized millionaires. Having met with social and financi: success, the Hog has become politically ambitious; and while he has not been admittedly permitted a seat in Congress his influence with members of that body is supreme. The pork-bar- rel scheme of legislation h built hundred-thousand-dol- lar federal buildings in thou- sand-dollar towns, provided harbor facilities for inland cities, and jumped military mutts from mediocre cap- taincies to braid-bespangled brigadiers. And only a schooled politician could pos- sibly guess what the pork- barrel may do in the future. And let us not believe that the Hog is a mere child of “Horace, did you fini “Sure! I just done it.” fortune. His is the success which goes with true merit. He has many valuable parts, He is more than ham and bacon y price. He possesses sympathy, yand humanitarianism. It was he alone who shared his last husk with the Prodigal Son, and led that wayward young man to return to his weeping father and plodding brother. And his- tory will ever remind us that the most wicked sin which the ungrateful Prodigal committed was when he turned his back upon his far-country benefactor, and cast his lot with the pot-bellied calf. Licenses ICENSES are required by law for a large number of activitics, prominent among which are marrying, junk-dealing, dog-owning, liquor-selling, automobile driving and the shooting of game in season. This fact should not discourage persons who have neither the time nor the money to procure licenses; for there are many branches of endeavor in which licenses are not needed. For example, nobody who is engaged in writing Vers Libre has a license to do it; and the men who are responsible for the peculiar styles which appear from time to time have no licenses to tamper with the styles. Think of the new schools of painting, of curing sickness, of cooking, of dieting, of dancing and of spelling all of which require no licenses! Almost ome = IN THE VERNACULAR your grammar lesson for tomorrow?’ nething which here never was everybody is doing sc he has no license to do. a better opportunity for a young man who wishes to take up a profession or a calling without going to the expense and trouble of getting a license. Sixes and Sevens OWN in Baltimore a new law makes you stand while they sing the Star Spangled Banner. Thank goodness, it doesn’t make you stand tifl they think of the next verse. 2 A Kentucky orator is quoted as demanding “Of what use are kings?” A Kentuckian, of all men, ought to know that kings are quite some, use, if you can get as many as three of them.—Nasihville Tennessecan. Divine Right turns regicide three kings see a queen full. @ when How times have changed. If he had to do it over, Paul Revere would take his fa- mous ride on a motorcycle.—Toledo Blade On a motorcycle, maybe—but would he head it for the church? 2 Twenty-five million dollars for 142 square miles of Danish West Indies? Oh, well, maybe the King of Denmark will throw in what Doc Cook sold him. 2 Out and out Americanism is the true altruism. It is willing that the other side should be even more so— especially after election. 2 Feminine styles in dress so says Mrs. Thomas A. Edison—have “passed the bounds of modesty.” Things have come to a pretty pass. When the candidate of the future confronts the notification committee—and says ‘t so sudden!”— will there be any babies to name after her? icbooks.com