Judge — August 26, 1916 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

His wife—John, have you the tickets ? John—You have all the ‘change my dear. fohn—Yes, my dear. @ THE CONVENIENCES OF LIFE POSSIBLE blessings are apt to get overlooked, just because they have been called something else. “Moral train- ing has not fully opened our eyes. It has only made us look at most things superficial- ly. Consequently, we are prone to consider as trou- blesome and in- convenient all pain and sickness and poverty and hunger and the non-possession of an automobile. This state of mind has grown inten- sively, and it is high time to correct it. There are few, if any, calamities that come without their very bright side. Cheer up! Think of the boon of sickness to all classes of society! It enables the opera singer to cancel an inconvenient date, it provides an excuse for boards of health to draw on the exchequer during epidemics, and it has even taken crimi- nals out of prison and saved them the tedium of a life sentence. Then, consider how physical pain in the aggregate has stimulated the mar- ket for anrsthetics, anodynes, hypnot- ics, analgetics without number. The profits from this large class of drugs easily help toward several fortunes. And what would America be without million- aires? It naturally follows that there must be poverty as well as wealth, for what would become of human energy and efficiency if poverty should disappear? Why, enterprise would cease! It is as plain as the nose on the face that we need to be poor in order to hustle. Nothing but dire need would make some of us move, and so hunger becomes an_ indispensable ally to the power of the average mortal. These sometime draw- backs to comfort, accord- ing to the old sophistries, are the greatest conven- iences oflife. That we util- ize them as we do only goes to show how much real wisdom we have in us after all, in spite of prevailing gibes to the contrary. Let us, therefore, wel- come all the disadvantages that we can induce to come our way. They are sure to be worth more than their face valuation, for they are calculated to provide the necessary opportunities that every- body is looking for, or ought to be. Moreover, they stimulate invention as can nothing else. —Oscar L. Merringtone. ing mail ! His wife—Then get me a piece of gum. lis wife—Can't you see I have my hands full ? ‘out of my purse—it's in the right-hand pocket of my coat. Heavens, what helpless creatures you men are! ‘ake a penny When Compliments Pay Best ‘OUR WIFE is growing old, maa, The white is in her hair, But winsome to behold, man, ‘As when a maiden fair. For there's an autumn beauty More charming than the spring; ‘The grace of love and duty, It is a wondrous thing! Then tell your wife ‘tis so, man,— It’s better lore than books, — For women like to know, man, That men still like their looks. And maybe she will tell you, For she’s a guileful tongue, The years so kindly spell you That you are looking young! —Amos R. Walls. Indefinite Prospective buyer —How much gas and electricity do you use every month? Owner—I don’t know, but here are the bills. His Outburst “My four-year-old boy, Bearcat, got a bee in his ear, tuther day,” related Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark., “and until he got the varmint excavated out ag’in he shore orated like a popular evangelist.” __ Indignant person—This is a fine time to arrive with the morn- Why, it’s almost noon ! Postman—Sorry, Mrs. Browne, but ye see with so many peo- ple tourin’ the country, we're gettin’ a lot of picture post-cards, and they're mighty interestin’. comicbooks.com