Judge, 1916-07-01 · page 9 of 28
Judge — July 1, 1916 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous dialogue between two Jewish businessmen—Max Markowitz (a skirt/dress manufacturer) and his brother-in-law Henry Shapiro—debating marriage and courtship after attending a wedding. **The satire**: Markowitz lectures Henry about settling down, while Henry protests he doesn't care about women. However, Markowitz catches him in an obvious lie—he noticed Henry couldn't take his eyes off Sadie Goldman all evening. Markowitz then launches into praise of Sadie: she's beautiful, modest, domestic, musical, charitable, and from a good family ("mishpocha"—Yiddish for extended family). **The joke**: The contrast between Henry's denials and his obvious attraction, plus Markowitz's comic enthusiasm for matchmaking and his mercenary observations (he resents wedding expenses while simultaneously calculating Sadie's value as a wife). **Context**: This reflects early-20th-century immigrant Jewish-American humor, using Yiddish expressions and stereotypes about shrewd businessmen and arranged marriages within community circles. The "Safety First" banner at top appears unrelated—likely a standard Judge magazine header.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MARKOWITZ AND HENRY—They discuss June Brides and August Wives Ry “QTOP TALKING like a song and commence writing like a bookkeeper!” angrily shouted Max Markowitz, the skirt manufacturer, to Henry Shapiro, his brother-in-law and em- plo: ut their office one Mon- ay morning. “I’m sick and tired hearing from you about the bride and bridesmaids from last night's wedding, by Goldman & Co.'s daughter, What do I care if they got eyes like skies and looks like in books? I ain't getting married to them! A fine wedding it. was! When I come home I ate up. everything I could find in the ice-box—even a tarienirte herring. Such a supper they made—like for a canary-boid; and the cut glass [sent them cost me three dollars and seventy-five cents cash—wholesale! Henry, don’t check them no more goods till he pays up toa penny. When a customer gives a cheap supper like what we got by his daugh- ter’s wedding. you got to be careful.” s ° You're talking foolish maintained Henry. a bluff with lemousine-champanier what his “When weddings in swell hotels it’s a sign he don’t give af creditors will say, and he’s O. K. like the bank of England. But a man don’t chuck Max, wa’n’t them bridesmaids regela peaches?” exclaimed Markowitz, mockingly. For my What do I care for goils? I got Min- nie and that’s enough. Say, Henry, it’s about time you got married yourself and stopped liking goils. How long are you going to run around like this, enjoying yourself and coming late to the office? It’s time you settled down——' “Oh, don't bother me about nonsense!” interrupted Henry I don’t care for goils.”” Don't care for goils? Tell it to Jim the elevator puller and not to me!” declared Markowitz. laughing. “All morning he talks about eyes and peaches and now he says he don’t care for goils. What's the matter with Goldman's second daughter, Sadie? Vou never took your eyes away from her the whole night. May be she’s got a good figger by the bank, too! Take my advice, and I'm not talking to you like a boss but like friend and brother-in-law. Get married and attend to business regela. Did you notice that June bride from last night? How she looked up at her chosen so sweet like he was the whole woild to her, and that his woid eder his wish was better than a gold bond? If he would say ‘run’ to her—she would run; ‘fly’— she would fly; she would go for him in fire and water!” tell the truth “Peaches part they ean be lemens. with a gesture of disgust Lot RAB “Ves like her.” “Sur yes,” agreed Henry. “And her sister looks just ! continued Markowitz energetically. “She's a regela doll; a picktche; and comes from a fine mishpocha; Mr. Gold- man’s wife got a cousin ar That Sadie Goldman looks to be such a quict goil that she can’t even count two, The dress she had on by the wedding she made with her own hands. She plays piano from her own head without music. She went two years to high-school, but she went away in the middle because she got a lovely position. She's only nineteen and can keep house better than her mother. She sings and she’s a hard worker by charity. She's got a heart like a gold and—” “How do you know all them things?” demanded Henr. “Wasn't I sitting next to her mother for a couple of minutes when everybody was dancing? 1 tell you, Henry, the man what gets Sadie Goldman will be a lucky feller. If you want I'll call up Mr. Goldman and ask him to have lunch with me “Who told you I nt to get married?” demanded Henry. “T didn’t say notting to you, anyway, Don’t talk nonsense. How can I get married by the wages I am getting now? 1 can't even think of it! If Pll get a raise ten dollars: “Ten dollars a raise!” broke in Markowitz, p ng both his hands on his head. For a few moments he was unable to say another word; but finally continued excitedly—* Ten dollars a raise! Business may be good so long they are fighting in Europe, but the war can stop any minute. Who knows? Now it’s busy and right away it can be slack! Sometimes a rotten customer pays and the best customer goes mechula! Every- You Older sister Dorothy: put down your dress this instant! id should be ashamed of yourself. comicbooks.com