Judge — June 17, 1916 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A MODERN ARTEMIS NMARRIED MEN must be afflicted with an cpidemic of abnormal bumps at the crowns of their heads. Like those subjects for metaphysicians and craniologists, who proclaim thi selves presidents, editors, or even the preme Being, these smug bachelors publish “Why I Am a Single Man,” “The Girls I Did Not Marry,” “The Girls I Might Have Married,” etc., ad nauseam. One would think from this that every girl in the U.S. A. is waiting to throw herself into a wedding ring! Even the classics prove that an Artemis can be as scornful a celibate as a Narcissus. What’s a dose for the goose is medicine for the gander, i. e., “To see ourselves as others see us.” So— A Modern Artemis would twang her fatal bow-string at: 1. The fortune seeker. Abel is as handsome as Her brother, but not adroit enough to hide the fact that he considers his face his fortune (not all Abels are titled); so She tips him to the news that Her possessions are entailed. 2. The bully. Cyril i company manners on his sisters; She shrinks from si prospects. 3. The spendthrift. Cuthbert is a swell dresser and makes a big splash until a rainy day swamps his bluff; Her visions of gorgeous gowns and unpaid dressmakers’ bills recede. 4. The miser. Edmund's speeches for suffrage and feminism in general are entrancing; but a glimpse of his cuff—on which he pencils daily expenditures—gives Her a hunch that he wants Woman’s emancipation solely as a protection for Man’s pocketbook. 5. The man who abominates children. Although Ephraim has a kind affable face, he turns from dangling Her baby sister on his foot to kicking the kitten as a relief; She refuses to walk the floor o’ future nights without relief watches in sight. 6. The liar. Phineas is soothingly diplomatic, but, in the matter of a previous love, trips himself into exposure; She scorns him as an inferior. 7. The recluse. Aaron is inspiringly intellectual, but he practices, thrillingly strong, but does not waste ilar brutish “ Willie Thompson! what d'ye mean by risking your life right over that basket!” “two's a compan “sufficient unto ourselves,” to excess; She shivers at the vista of interminable monotony. 8. The sloven. Dreamy-cyed Silvester slip-slops through life on run-over shoes, in soiled linen, and with unkempt hair, posing as She refuses to spend the rest of her life as a valet. 9. The gambler. Handsome Ira’s motto is “nothing ventured, nothing gained”; She balks at supplying the oil for the roulette wheel of life. ©. The drunkard. Denis, the entertainer, celebrates their engagement, gets into a brawl and reaps humiliating notoriety; She reconsiders the glories of reforming him. en including Orion and Actwon, this list far from completes “The Men I Might Have Married” of a Modern Artemis. However, despite the arrows of Artemis and the prevalence of those bumps, there is no immediate danger of the genus homo becoming extinct. —E. Stewart Andrews. Wifely He—She'll make him a good wife! She—Yes—she's the kind to engage in marriage gracefully, and divorce not too precipitately. Like Many Others OWN a large historic pile Within a fine domain, But I have never seen it, for My castle is in § If I took ship we m Between the di I've leased a little cottage in The Land of Common Sense. Eunice Ward. nai | There is a strange resemblance be- Little girl—Mother, dear, can't I have a dress like that ? to wear short skirts. Mother—No, darling, you are too young tween women kissing each other and prize-fighters shaking hands. ¥ comicbooks.com