Judge — June 17, 1916 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Being Good T IS a widely accepted fact that being good is a dull and unsatisfactory means of procedure unless there are people around van whom one can readi- — ly suspect of being SF something else. Wi Painfully righteous ine 2y people in every com- . < munity consequently take great pains to i keep the suspected |- contingent recruited = up to the full war OS strength. The only satisfaction that they seem to get out of their goodness lies in their being able to feel righteous out loud. So they indulge with impunity in the gloriously free Ameri- can privilege of suspecting somebody. The big town has many advantages when it comes to opportunity for suspicion. I a remarkably easy thing to feel righteous in a big town. One can always think upon f the playful rich and the Then there are chorus girls, ’ models, social lions, esthetic dancers, clubmen, divorcées, and irrepressible old bachelors who live in apartments all to themselves. One can almost waft himself bang up against the pearly gates by turning his fancy loose on the naughty, naughty things that such people doubtless delight in. But the small town offers no such advantages. The rigidly upright people of Hometown seek solace in a much more com- plicated and much keener system of suspicion. Marian, the care- free daughter of Mr. Gray, the keeper of the general store, must be very careful that her laugh be GPs O10 Fours Avar SATURDAY AND HE 2 Tesh not too loud, and that her skirts be neither too fine, tuo tight, too thin, nor too short. Mr. Bright, the bachelor banker, must ha: his roadster stowed away in the garage eve evening by nine-thirty or ten, or the untiring tongues will begin an incredible wagging. And if he were to take Miss Marian for*a spin—after dark? Goodness, how the right- cous would revel! Perhaps it would be better if every com- munity, large or small, were to arrange for a volunteer “suspected c Recruits for such service could readily be found among those delightful non-conformist groups that here and there add a little di- version to our solemn and stately approach to the grave. Such a cl would render unnecessary the inquisitorial practices of the comparatively righteous, and would in some measure alleviate the misery of us all. Irreparable ELL were it for our institutions, if our two existing ex-presidencies were immortal! Then no future ex-president could claim to lack instructive example— whichever way he wanted to act. “Shiver my timbers! This phonograph is playing my favorite ditty” Sixes and Sevens RBITRATING a labor dispute obvi- ates all the turmoil and tumult, and it settles everything to everybody's complete dissatisfaction. * “What has become,” queries a contem- porary, “‘of the old fashioned father who used to boot his daughter's young man down the front steps?’’ What boots it? The modern father’s outgo is gasoline, not shoeleather—the projectile, not the ejectile. 2 Who can guess which one of our ex-Presidents it is who has just issued a statement urging the American people to stand by the President? Charleston News and Courier, Stand without hitching—or grand stand? * Mrs. Ellen French Aldrich, California's first woman mayor, declines to serve. “The position of mayor,” she says, “is too high and too dignified. I want a lowlier posi- tion. I want to mingle with the people and get from them first hand their ideas of how things should be managed.” Does Mrs. Aldrich expect to drop to the altitude of the presidency at the first re- bound? If you gentlemen keep on wast- ing time in this way, we are going to be in session when the frost comes next fall—Speaker Champ Clark. But when the frost comes, Mr. Speaker, which party is going to be some pumpkins? 2 The public has to have its heroes, and it isn’t always particular in se- lecting them.—Atchison Globe. Just as soon say it to Mr. Jess Willard’s face? comicbooks.com