Judge — May 20, 1916 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

"Passing the Mustard The Scientists Professor Amariah Tibbs was all unknown to fame Until one day he set about to make himself a name. He got out his old telescope and aimed it at the stars And much to his surprise he found a brand new wart on Mars. No one had seen the thing before, it was a famous find; The whole world paid its tribute to his scientific mind. Professor Tibbs’ discovery created such a stir A lecture bureau signed him at one hundred dollars per. Professor James Terwillinger long occupied a chair; The one-horse college salary gave him no cash to spare. The future seemed quite hopeless to the scientist until One day he found some microbes on an old one- dollar bill. Of course the papers got the news and spread it far and wide, And much learned comment editorial beside. He trained a troupe of these microbes and put them on the stage, And now in high-priced vaudeville he is the cur- rent rage. Professor Alexander Butts knew not the spot- light’s glare. It sometimes struck the faculty, but not his humble chair. One day he wrote a treatise on “What Modern Dramas Mean.” A circus was the only show that he had ever seen. The “Modern Drama” stuff went great and he was in demand. He spoke before the woman’s clubs through the entire land. He's quoted as authority and worshiped from And when he travels now it's in a handsome private car.—Technological Journal. Asserting Ownership—‘* Father, who owns these parks?” asked a boy while out for a walk. “We do, my son,” replied the boy’s parent; As a part of the people, s, we have a right to consider our- selves the owners. It is a glorious feature of our form of ‘government, my boy,” he continued, his eyes kindling, “that the > absolute. All property rights ed on their consent. All titles thus come from them, and will finally revert to The will of the people is the supreme “Hello, there!” shouted the harsh, im- Perious park policeman, “get off that grass, or I'll run ye in!” —Buffalo Express. A First Reading—Collector—Did you look at that little bill I left yesterday, ‘sir? House Member—Yes; it has passed the first reading.— Boston Globe. Father’s Liberality —Mrs. Youngwed (a doctor's daughter) —Did papa say he would anything for you? Youngwed—Yes; he said he would oper- ate upon me at any time free of charge. Pickings EGYPTIAN DEITIES “The Utmost in Plan End orCrk Tp of culture Bitte tons PREFER Desties any other agate 25° Shargyros Makers of the Highest Gandy Tarkrsh cand Egyptian Capareties on the Wirkd Visitors to Boston should know about the Hotel 390 Commonwealth Ave. near Massachusetts Ave. Subway station, four taloites to theatres and shops. The Puritan is an especially comfortable house with reasonable rates. Globe trotters call t ome of the most comfortable and homelike hotels im the world ‘Your Inquiries gladly answered, E.P.Costetto Mer. bapoy and eractal the woman orgie ‘Dossersor of a Piedmont Southern Cian Creat Tet iced Cedar Chet Tra the git tot every womanly ear lenge Wenderiuiy esetal {atts fora, woolen ned el Shipped ea" 18 days" tree prices. Wrsre f 2 Pledmeat pre- mien, ‘$0: page ca Postpaid free PIEDMONT RED CEDAR CHEST CO. Dept. 37 STATESVILLE. 5. C. The Joy of “Running Yer” Yourself To be one of the crowd—off for a trip up-river or across-lake, Evinruding— it’s great sport. But the joy of owning an Evinrude—of “running ’er” your- self—of feeling this wonderful little motor respond instantly to your lightest touch on the steering handle—that doubles the pleasures of Evinruding. ‘Today, tomorrow, this pleasure can be yours—you can take your Evinrude with you anywhere —to The new Four-Cycle Twin furnishes mor peed, more power and it 1s free from vibration. And In EVINRUDE MOTOR COMPANY, \. 2 EVINRUDE = Evinruding- & Is Rowboat Motoring, the Single Cylinder models there's more speed and other improvements. and Single Cylinder models are equipped with the Automatic Reverse and Evinrude Magneto—Built- In Fly-Wheel Type. 402 Evinrude Block, th the Four-cycle Twin Milwaukee, Wisconsin Distributing 4 State Bt, my 435 Market St., San Francisco, Cal Front & Morrison Sts, Portiand, Ore, comicbooks.com