Judge — May 13, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“After all,” she would declare, “the largest of these men has proven mean- ingless!”” Instigated by her despairing parents, she began to reflect up- on Caesar, Frederick the Great, Napoleon. Wellington—all these famous men of negligi- ble physical proportions. Ah! ha! Clarissa had it at last! Brains, not stature, was what her ardent soul had craved. Napoleon! Did he not wear a number five shoe and a number cight hat! Her parents rejoiced with Clarissa. She had matured! Their child had reached the age of reason! And so, as assiduously as they had sought size in man for their adored daughter, they now sought men of brains. Clarissa’s father spared neither pains nor expense. From every quarter to his door came men of brains. Five were Euro- peans, one a baron, two were princes. And Clarissa found these brainy men even less a part of her dream of an ideal than had been those of stature. The father grew old; the mother thin; Clarissa herself became anemic. And then one day a freckle-faced youth of no stature and no brains whatsoever, to mention, appeared unto Clarissa’s father in search of humble employment. He had a pair of hopeless, hungry eyes. Clarissa saw those eyes and with a mad cry fell at the knees of her father. “Give unto this youth, oh, my father, whatsoever he desireth! He is the one L “ Ba-aw! wow! I pi-picked a bee!” POLLY WELL HI] ie Hortense—The real sufferers from war are women Penelope—Yes, it will be a sad leap-year in Europe with all the good prospects in the trenches. have sought these many years. At last I have my ideal!” It was then that father and mother sought an alienist. But Clarissa heeded not such counsel She married, had her baby, and was happy. At Home a large family?” mother, brother fave they “Yes, his wife’s fathe and two maiden aunts!” Force of Habit Judge—Discharged! Bridget—Widout a riference? A Romance She tried to spun He wouldn't listen Now he is hern, And she is hisn There’s a Limit “Does the landlady give you your meals on time?” (Sadly) “Yes, but she won't trust me much longer.”” Why She Missed It May—How did you hap- _ pen to miss your train? Blanche—Oh, the horrid old thing was right on time. Phyllis H" AMED HER “Phyllis of the Field"; For oft she strolls o'er tranquil mead; Sometimes she wanders where I lead, Over sylvan paths where nymphs have knecled Her eyes are wide and soft and mild; Nh, meditative Phyllis, wait Beside the ancient, rustic gate, By somber, silent thoughts beguiled. She is a creature blest, I vow, By sentiment too deep for words; A comrade of the bees and birds— This poor Commuter's sober cow! Roscoe Gilmore Stott The Bo'sn’s Mate A Bo’sn’s Mate was in charge of a bunch of men hoisting and lowering a boat fromthe water to the deck. It was seen it would be necessary to have a block of wood put under the boat to make it set upeven. The Bo’sn’s Mate yelled, “Put a block under the boat! Use your head!” This Looks Homicidal A recent list of new forthcoming books contains: “The Young Hunter;” Complete Guide to Fishing and Gunning for the Young. Worse Luck! Men who are too lazy to work and too proud to beg are usually too indifferent to die. comicbooks.com