Judge, 1916-05-13 · page 6 of 28
Judge — May 13, 1916 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains three distinct humor pieces: **"The Notion Counter"** is a column of witty one-liners about social observations—workplace dynamics, marriage, gender differences, and human nature. These are gentle satirical observations typical of early 20th-century magazine humor, poking fun at universal frustrations (self-made men, restaurants with orchestras, women and housecleaning). **"Resource"** depicts a young couple dining in a crowded restaurant. The woman has leg cramps but fears public embarrassment if she stands. The man cleverly signals a waiter to have the orchestra play "The Star-Spangled Banner," forcing all diners to rise—allowing her to stretch unnoticed. The satire mocks both their self-consciousness and celebrates his resourcefulness. **"Had Heard of Our Gunmen"** is a brief joke about an Arizona man misreading a sign saying "Children in arms not admitted" (meaning babies). He assumes it means children carrying guns—satirizing the Wild West's violent reputation and perhaps stereotypes about Arizona's lawlessness during this era. The illustration at top shows beach scenes unrelated to the text below.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Notion Counter 2 ROUT the gloomiest thing that can hap- pen to a man is to have another man put him up at his club. I once worked ten years for a man and in all that time never had a word of criti- cism—or praise. One good thing about the self-made man is that he is always willing to as- sume the full responsibility. Iv that restaurants with orchestras would advertise the hours, so we could know when to stay away. It doesn’t take a married man very long to find out why they are called “the opposite sex I like weather like the water in a Pullman —neither hot nor cold. You never can make me believe that a woman doesn’t enjoy housecleaning A good many men who like to air their views have. views that need an airing. The man who woulded that his enemy would write a book never suffered like the author who wished that his friends would read one. A woman can explain almost anything in the world, unless you ask her. I would hate to buy sugar from some of the men who say the grocer puts sand in his. You never can tell which way a woman is going to jump, unless you drive an auto- mobile. No woman will ever understand a man’s attitude toward a carpet on the line. Spring is the time of year when a man just gets out his fishing tackle and his wife hands him a rake. About as far as some people can go to show they are pleased is to refrain from cniticism. It al ays looks bad when the barber THAT TIRED calls “Next!” and the man who had to wait steps up and says, “Good morning, Judge.” The sheriff is never going to have any busi- ness with the man who takes the children out to the end of the car line to pick violets. You never will be able to make your wife believe that working in an office isn’t a good deal pleasanter than you make out. Douglas Malloch Resource HEY were obviously young and inex- perienced, and Fate, in the person of the head waiter, had placed them in the very center of the crowded dining-room. Sud- denly she leaned over, and in a tense, agonized whisper, said: “Freddy! I’ve got a kink in my side and my foot’s asleep. I can’t stand it any longer. I'll just have to stand up!” Don’t do it,” he pleaded. “Everybody'll look!” And perspiration gathered on his forehead and threatened to roll down on thi “I don’t car con- tinued, “I'll just have to!” Wretchedness was written all over him. Then all at it changed to triumph. shly he pulled a card from his pocket, scribbled something on it, and gave it and a coin to a waiter, who nodded and passed on. There was a brief period of waiting. Then the strains of “The Star-Spangled Banner” were wafted to the cars of the diners and everybody rose. About the middle bar of the fourth line the kink passed away and she smiled again. FEELING Had Heard of Our Gunmen T? MAN from Arizona paused before a sign reading: “Children in arms not admitted.” “Gee!” he mused. carry guns here in the E “Do even the kids Wasted Ted—Pity the rain spoiled the game —But you got a check, didn’t you? Ted—Yes, but to get off I had to use up the best excuse I ever had in my life ie—| the robbers an’ Jions under the bed. comicbooks.com