Judge — May 6, 1916 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TRAWS show which way the wind blows. This has been pointed out from time immemorial as an exceed- ingly valuable property of straws; but the wind bloweth where it listeth, and the action of the straw in showing the direction of the wind's list comesatrifle late. Inthe case of the list of a full-grown Kansas cyclone, which is likely to be a pretty extensive list, the notification furnished by the straw is prone to come after you and your Lares and Penates have taken a little journey through the circumambient ether; and in a case like that, which way the wind blowsisof the least possible interest, except in the way of furnish- ing information as to whether or not you will land in prohibition territory. To my mind, there are other properties of straws which are worth much more to the Human race. Straws are used in real life for bedding horses, and in novels for bedding prisoners and downtrodden heroines. If the villain didn’t take the victim of his brutality and chrust her into a dark room, furnished only with hot and cold running rats and the im- mortal heap of filthy straw, it wouldn’t be “DOG W STRAWS By FL GREGORY HARTSWICK hero 1 rouses any story. In the same chapter, the enters the stable of his Rosinante that willing beast from its bed of smelling straw to ride ninety miles in three sweet- and one-half hours to the heroine’s rescue. One doesn’t realize the difference until one has perused the average novel The other use of straws, namely, that of conducting liquid refreshment to the arid, has no place in literature. If a character drinks, he or she uses cither water, or some variety of intoxicant which needs no straw. There is no field for the claret-lemonade in books. The crystal spring refreshes our dusty hero; or else he toys with a cocktail or a highball; and on special occasions, champagne is on the list. Never does he use a straw. Straws have survived to infamous memory through the awful recollection of that n straws A TCH" the straw tick. ‘Thi is an alleged mattress, de foundation for tired Natur balmy sleep. But asa promoter of insomnia it has babies, phonographs, and the quarrel some couple in the flat below backed off the instrument of torture igned to furnish a el restorer boards. The web was never warped, or woofed, or whatever they do to webs, that would prevent from poking themselves through the neutral Ss straws several ambitic territory and impinging, sharp end _ first, upon the sleeper’s first-line defenses. night on a straw tick resolves itself inte debate as to whether being tickled in the porte-cochere or the garage As for sleep, it is simply out of the question Morpheus has an important engagement To paraphrs one prefers «© Stevenson, elsewhere. The humble straw, packed in so tight I hate with all my heart It keeps me tossing all the And causes me to smart And in the morning, Myt The straws lie waiting until eve, Then tickle me agai when I leave comicbooks.com