Judge, 1916-04-22 · page 8 of 28
Judge — April 22, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Ballade of an Objectionable Feature"** mocks the return of bustles in women's fashion. The poet claims acceptance of all female styles—tight garments, short skirts, low necklines—yet draws the line at bustles, expressing exasperation through the repeated refrain "Bustles are more than I can bear!" The satire lies in the contradiction: he accepts genuinely controversial fashions but rejects the bustle specifically. **"In the Same Boat"** depicts two men commiserating over being forced by their wives to attend a tedious lecture on "The Moral Duty of the United States Toward the Warring Nations" instead of seeing the musical show "The Blooming Belle." The humor targets henpecked husbands and wives who use their club activities to enforce mandatory attendance at dull, morally improving events. **"The Futility of Knowledge"** satirizes a college-educated young man who won dance medals but mocks grammar and proper speech. A girl expresses admiration for college men, but he argues that knowing formal grammar ("whom," "notwithstanding") is useless if you can't speak colloquially—poking fun at impractical education.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
a> Ballade of an Objectionable Feature . Bustles will be worn again this spring—News item. ‘O CARPING critic, I, of dress; All female garb looks good to me: I deem each style a great success, No matter what its shape may be. I hold that womenfolk are fre: To wear the styles they wish to wear. There's just one thing from which I fleet Bustles are more than I can bear! Tight garments cause m= no distress, Nor slits which show the rounded knee; In low-necked gowns I acquiesce, Although they court catastrophe By showing twenty vertebrie: Such things make women seen more fa But one thing fills me with ennui: Bustles are more than I can bear! ‘The styles which some would fain suppres, I view with approbative glee. I like the lacy gowns, and—yes I like the shortest ones I see; Nor do I care to what degree A skirt may swirl or cling or flare; But hear, oh hear my firm decree Bustles are more than I can bear! ENVOY My love, I'd go upon a spree If you should ever, ever dare To be a bustle-devotee: Bustles are more than I can bear: -K. L. Roberts, In the Same Boat af ELLO THERE! That you, Todd? Your voice sounds as if you had a cold. Say, Todd, I just rang you up to say that I'll have to call off that appointment I made with you to go and sce ‘The Blooming Belle’ this evening. They say it’s fine and dandy—best musical show of the year and I’m keen to go, but since I came home my wife tells me that she has two tickets for a lecture at her club on ‘The Moral Duty of the United States Toward the Warring Nations,’ and she is bound I shall go. Think of having to give up ‘The Blooming Belle’ s: Absent-minded British gunner (formerly a golf fend) —Fore! for that! I'd rather sit through a quarter of a mile of movie films portraying the results of a famine in China than go to that lecture, but you know how it is when your wife sets her heart on you going to one of her club lectures to which men are ‘admitted,’ as if any sane man wants to be ‘admitted’ to one of them! Breaks me all up, Todd, to think I can’t go with you, but—huh? What is that? Your wife has gathered you in for the ‘Moral Duty’ lecture? No! And you'll be there? Well Todd, it’s a kind of a com- fort to think that you are stung for it as well as I! Let’s try to sit together and plan an evening when we can go to ‘The Blooming Belle’ as a sort of an antidote to what we will have to live through to-night. My wife is calling me to get ready. See you later Glad we are both in the same beat!” —Max Merryvman THE MAKING Friends HE SUN’S a lad in yellow, ‘The grass a boy in green, The road a dear, good fellow And all is seventeen, Those birds who are a-nesting Will burst their throats with song; How good to lic here resting The whole day long! The air is warm and scented A maiden true; The world’s a man contented And Spring their rendezvous. And I shake hands or kiss them, My old friends, young and strong, So glad I no more miss them The whole day lon, —Ruth Wright Kauffman. The Futility of Knowledge “YOU can’t make me believe a col- lege education gits you anythin; said the young man who had won two medals for fox-trotting. “Still I always thought college fellows was awful swell,” replied the girl. “Nothin’ doin’! We got one of them in our office that always says ‘whom’ and ‘notwithstandin’,’ and I heard the boss callin’ him down to-day the worst I ever seen What's the use knowin’ them kind of words if you can’t talk back? No References Willis—The new cook is a jewel, dear Mrs. Willis—Yes, but I'm afraid that 1 must discharge her. Willis—What's the mat!er? Mrs, Willis—I'm suspicious of her. 1 went to the library this afternoon and spent three hours in the reference-room and couldn't find any of hers. Three OF A NEW YORKER comicbooks.com