Judge, 1916-04-15 · page 14 of 28
Judge — April 15, 1916 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two separate humorous pieces from Judge magazine: **"In the Garden"** (top): A brief comic dialogue where Nell asks Lida why she's angry with Bess. Lida reveals she told Bess about her engagement to Charlie in confidence, but Bess kept the secret—which apparently upsets Lida. The joke is the absurd logic: Lida is angry *because* Bess *didn't* break her promise, suggesting Lida wanted gossip to spread. **"Those New Hats"** and **"A London Discovery"** (bottom sections): Poetry and dialogue satirizing fashionable excess. The hat poem mocks Parisian women's extravagant, absurd millinery (hats decorated with vegetables, animal skins, military fortifications). "A London Discovery" is a dialogue where a man reveals he's been obsessed with a "wonderful machine" he inherited—which turns out to be himself. He plans to monetize his own abilities. Both pieces gently mock upper-class preoccupation with frivolous pursuits and self-regard.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
IN THE Nell—Why are you angry with Bess ? THOSE NEW HATS 'S BONNET TIME in Paris and the birds are on the way To pick the fur and feathers in the bosky de la Paix. ‘ ¢ is blooming—the cabochon’s in bud The earth is all a-spangle—it's the season of the dud! It’s bonnet time in Paris—oh, with me won't you fly To tango with the Zeppelins, a-zipping through the sky, To hunt the early lid togs while they're gamy on the wing, And bag a few expensive ones with lots of flare and fling It’s bonnet time in Paris; and through the Bois Boulogne You scent the newest perfumes and hark the hat bird’s song. ‘The Avenue Acacias beneath the chestnut trees Is heavy with the hyacinth on each caressing breeze There are hats with wreaths of cabbages, and hats of leopard skin; The Cubist hats—the cosmos hats—and some that look like tin; The cunning little fortresses with gatlings in a row, And stately leghorn terraces where pink projectiles grow. Oh, bonnet time—oh, sonnet time—with military grace lent; love dies and life ge But hats will bloom in Paris though the dynasties decay Kate Masterson. , Some women’s idea of having a good time is washing their hair. AR DEN Lida—lI told her about my engagement to Charlie, and made her promise not to tell a soul and she hasn't ! A LONDON DISCOVERY “6T SAY, old chap, why have-you deserted the club?” I “To tell you the truth, dear boy, I’ve been so blooming busy that with the exception of an occasional tramp or two for my health [I’ve hardly left the house.”” Oh! [say! Anything new?” “Tremendously new to me, old chap. Several weeks ago I very unexpectedly ran across it—an old machine ve owned a good many years and never paid much attention to. Upon examination the thing is so monstrously wonderful, you know, that it has simply held me in open-mouthed consternation. I can’t actually take it in, and bless me I can’t understand why I’ve so long ignored its possibilities -just accepted it, you know, this wonderful inheritance of my ancestors, as something very natural and quite ordinary.” “Hope you've struck a moneymaker, old man! “T believe I have, you know, and that’s one of the remarkable parts about my discovery, Can you conceive, old chap, of my having never scen its possibilities? It’s merely a of machinery, mind you, and let me tell you some of the things it can do! With a turn from me I can make it see or hear or speak or walk or dance or telephone! Why I can and with no effort at all make it br “Oh! Tsay! What is the blooming thing, old chap?" “It’s my blooming self, old top, and I’m going to put it to work and make a fortune.” Vere Tyler. comicbooks.com