Judge — March 18, 1916 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Turning of the Worm ENRIETTA, you are still the charmer . ‘That you were when first we met that sum- mer’s day; And beyond a doubt you think I'm still a farmer— Just an awkward, simple, silly sort of jay. pretty Thave followed you from mountainside to ocean, And escorted you to concert, dance and show; I have tried to prove my absolute devotion By every trick of gallantry I know. Though by nature T was built more like a freighter ‘Than the swift and trim and graceful subma- rine, ‘To your whims I've tried consistently to cater And I'm forty-five while you—look seventeen. I took lessons in the maxixe and fandango, The bolero and the ragtime minuct; White the new steps that I mastered in the tango Were at least an even thousand, on a bet! Henrietta, though my heart with sorrow’s aching Here is where the road we've traveled sepa- rates: For I'd rather chance my heart than risk the breaking Of my neck for you, upon a pair of skates! —Maurice Swit Bearcat Distinguishes Himself “ Y LEAST boy, Bearcat, showed off some at the cantata in the school house tuther night,” related Mr. Gap John- son of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “’Mongst other things they perpetrated tableau called ‘Empty is the Cradle; Baby’s Gone!’ They had a cradle on the platform, and Bearcat, all trimmed up ‘in a white robe with wings on the back, was lying in it, with a belt around his waist under the gown and a wire running over a hook in the ceiling and out through a hole in the winder pane. The Glee Club was going to get off the song, and at the proper moment a bunch of boys outside would pull the wire and haul Bearcat up’ards, perdoocin’, it was estimated, a solemn and moving spec- tacle “But they wanted to have the tableau along towards the last, and as the platform vas small and they didn’t have any scenery put Bearcat in the cradle and set ‘em back of the teacher’s desk before the crowd came. He is only four years old and nacher'l enough he fell asleep, and when the Glee Club turned lo it dida’t wake him. The first thing he knew he was climb- ing heavenward out of a dream with some- thing pulling at him. Forgetting where he was he gave a yell and grabbed the cradle. Up they went, Bearcat, cradle and all. The load was heavier than the bovs outside expected, and they buckled to it right ably So when the kid dropped the cradle about three-quarters of the way up, the reaction caused the boys to yank him against the ceiling with a fury that like to have busted the poor little feller’s crust. You never heard such cussing out of a four-year-old in all your life! Although he’s my boy, I had no idee he was half so fluent!” —Tom P. Morgan. The Ultimate Consumer Little Sister—I would laugh if I got a nice box of candy for my birthday. Big Brother—So would I. Little Sister—But why would you laugh? Big Brother—Because I’m bigger than you are. Heredity Mother—Geraldine’s teacher says she is on the merit roll again. Grandmother—She’s her father’s girl, bless her! Hiram always did the most meretri- cious work! Adversity “Sw are the uses of adversity,” Which teaches us to love the luscious prune And cheap tobacco stecped with mystery, And to accept fried liver as a boon And clothes of last year’s model, scarred with mending, And bills unpaid, ‘uncivil and unending. O, let Bill Shakespeare praise foolish scribe, And name it benefactor if he like. Adversity and I don't seem to jibe; And, when it calls, I always long to hike. It may perhaps be one of man’s best teachers, But I prefer prosperity’s fair features! ‘alter G. Doty. Myrtilla, on a breezy day, When you see chappies standing pat, Why do you innocently say ™ What are those fellows looking at?” Easy to See Brown—The boss says that when he was a boy on the farm they had a mule that was just like one of the family. Jones—Yes, and I know which one. Little Binks—Now, d’ ye know what I'm going to do? When I get to th’ office I'm going to call you up and discharge you ! comicbooks.com