Judge — March 11, 1916 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Plumber—Gee, whiz ! how forgetful I ‘m getting ! forgot to forget anything to go back after. Mr. Many A. Mann put down the receiver with—well, let us say, with vigor, rather than with a slam. “I'm going out,” he told the stenogra- pher. “Called suddenly to Siberia, if any one should ask.” He went to his club. As the door opened, there came from the card-room snatches of a conversation which ran like this: “Bet you five to one the President's bills pass Congress! | “That bet goes as she la: | man, don’t you suppose Bryan a | | | | | the pacifists——' Mr. Many A. Mann rushed by the astonished attendant, out the front door, ex : “Home for mine! As he entered, he met his youngest ighter—the spectacle of abject mis- rs in her eyes, her voice, her ery—t manner. | “Why, what is | said Mr. Many A. Mann. dy all about it! | “Teacher called on me to recit said the child between sobs, “and she sent me home for not being prepared!” the matter, dearic?* “Tell Dad- . All in Condition IHE ARM may falter but the chin | Knows not fatij Nobody ever breaks down in The winter league.—IV'm, S. Adkins He Might Talk, Too! “Mrs. Blinks has sold her parrot.” “What for?” “Well, it insisted on talking, and ue. the last idea strongly. kicked me, sah, an’ I’m feelin’ mo’ m’self.”" The Wrong System 60°T-HE SECRET of saving money is economy, don’t you think?” I asked of the sad-faced little man on crutches, adjacent to whose home I had just moved. We had been making out acquaintance through a common subject of interest. The little man sighed. “Perhaps,” id, rather sadly, “but one must al- e careful in selecting those things it is best to economize.” I waited attentively, knowing that he had something on his mind which he would feel better for telling. “My wife,” he resumed, ‘wouldn't let me sprinkle ashes on the path and steps at our home, for fear I would track some of it into the house and injure the carpets. “TI slipped on the top step, broke my leg, and it cost me $346 for doc- tor's bills, beside $425 thus far in loss of salary. This would have paid for new carpets in every room in the house and left enough for an extended vacation for my wife.” And I thought from his tone of voice that appealed to him rather —William Sanford. Rival Attentions “I hear you got hit by an automobile,” he remarked assah,” replied Uncle Rastus, “thank kindly, sah—but yist’dy the ole mewel she was afraid it might encourage her husband.” An Invitation y's out of fashion to descry The dishes that were fine and dandy. At present I would like to try Some of them served by Liz or Mandy. ‘To-morrow morn, for in- stance, son, A stack of buckwheat cakes would hit me, Flanked by some sausages well-d And maple syrup—do you “git” me? But maple syrup’s had its ¢ Pork sausages for long have Straight buckwheat flour’s passed away, And, lo! these many moons been banished. Say t's the matter with fresh eggs, In nice ham gravy gently swimming? Great stuff when you stretch out your legs, Beneath the board with gusto blimming. nished, Corned beef and cabbage dinner time, Potatoes in their jackets—hold met Else I'll forget the proper rhyme; And then the editor will scold me. Some good old-fashioned gingerbread The brand is gone, you cannot buy it. How is that for a simple spread? Back to the farm with me and try it. Back to the farm with me and try The good old dishes so enduring In the kitchen you and I Will sample something that’s alluring. The coffee pot is on the stove, The copper kettle’s gaily steaming. So, back with me to treasure trov Good heavens! Iam only dreaming —Horace Seymour Keller. A woman may be as young as she looks but never as y vung as she acts Pater—Is, ch ? Then he'll go through your property like something dropped from a Zeppelin! comicbooks.com