Judge — March 4, 1916 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VANITY PAIR, 449 Fourth Ave., New York City Please enter my subscription to VANITY FAIR. for the rest of 1916, beginning with the current issue, at the special $2 rate offered to readers of this magazine. once. T enclose the $2 herewith (OR) I will remit $2 0n receipt of your bill the first of the month. Name..eseeee Instamt Bunion Relief Prove It At My Expense Reeser Mace sse foe ils alas ‘the last afx montha, J claim to have the most. banions ever Setormity disappeare—a ing, Cigattr abe than over. Jost = Prompuy In plain sealed envelope. FOOT REMEDY Co. ‘send your name | ad treatment will be sent yoo 3512 West 26th Street, Chicago, Ill, | LAW el at Home — Get Your r Degree By MAIL ord Be bee lester, cara 000 to $10,000. “Annually” wert zou step by —. ‘You ean train at spare Brepare yoa to pasa bar examination loan State Meocy cfurdes! according 9 oer Guarantee Hrond if ef LL.B. conte sof soecenafah ot ‘students. finn led. OVanity Fate LITTLE MURIEL, THE DEBUTANTE, AND HER HIGHLY-TRAINED BIRD AKE the cream of your favorite magazines of the theatre, sport, books. art. Add the sprightly qualities of such publications as The Sketch, The Tatler and La Vie Parisienne with some- thing of Broadway and Fifth Avenue— all within beautiful color covers — and you have a general idea of Vanity Fair. And, best of all, a very special introduc- tory offer places this journal of joy on your reading table for the rest of 1916 —nearly a full year—for only $2. Tear Off This Coupon! —— Soar Mail me the current issue at What Muriel Learned . Ewe. of futurist’ beta bull up om sovcatled dasonance: —for $2.00 How a Little Bird Told Her 1,000 Secrets RIEL is a this year’s débutante. You can ‘see that for yourself by looking at the clever sketch which our artist has drawn of her. Muriel’s eyes are measurably wide open. She can usually find her way home in the dark. She knows precisely who's who in New York, also what's what, and approximately when’s when, and usually how's how. She needs no Bacdeker, or pocket com- pass, or tufted homing pigeon to show her the way to the opera, to Sherry’s, to the best music, the prettiest Frocks, the newest motors, the most amusing costume balls, and even the most sinister cabarets. New York is her oyster. Shealways carriesan oyster- knife ready to open it. The entertaining side of New Yorke life is an open book to her, Observe her sunny smile, her wayward curls, her bold, bright eyes. The red wheels of the hansoms on Fifth Avenue are not more bright than are her carmine lips. The gleam- ing facade of St. Patrick's Cathedral is not more white thanis her pretty, powdered nose. Muriel is, in short,a self-starter—an indubitable eight-cylinder gir Ten of the 1,000 Secrets to » second—a girl can keep paced gen pele rere ar Enea — wont without infuriating him to the fof chucking her. 2 WhyCczanneand ArthurB. Davieshave be! to revolutionize modern painting. 3 How man: of ch: 6400 men will driak atafancy dressdance at Sherry's. 4 How to enter an opera box without em- barrassment, and leave it without stumbling. been built up on so-called a Broadway cabaret,to tell a seal tremm's theres ai 7 What scrapes the Freudian theory of dreams can geta good litle girl into.” 8 How to ent inte the Dossine rece at Buse tanoby's, after three A. D How to work your for the four blocks separe Hotel from the Manhattan. 10 What is being talked about today in the grand Shd-fold society of Amn Bu. reader, perhaps you will ask: ‘Who is Muriel’s little Bird?” “Well, that’s an easy one. The little bird is only a symbol—a symbol of knowl- edge, of wisdom, of omniscience. Its real name is Vanity Fair—a magazine that is forever on the wing, that flies everywhere that unlocks every secret, answers every question, solves every dilemma. It is publissed monthly at 25 cents a copy, $3 a year. With the College Wits Ain't Ita Fact? When I foist got an intro to Arthur I fell fer him softer than ha: Say, goils, I Vought he was spiffy, He had such an elegant way. His arm was so heavy and husky When he An’ he alwa: teered me around to de show s remembered «de popcorn; He's a regular prince wid de dough. His fussin’ was up to de minute ‘An’ his duds they was Why, goils, I was crazy ‘bout 4 IT seen that he wore a w Did you ever think much about nation, dear? "18 (otherwise)—Think about it? rly every day—only we call it n Tiger. always top-notch, thur watch —Widew. Think About It!—She (thoughtfully) reincar- I cat it hash. Sounds Fishy—“I didn’t know he had it in him!” deposited Jonah on terra firma. Cre “Isn't the Government perfectly cried the native as the whale Na y horrid over the income tax. I suppose your hus band’s income is taxed too.” “Yes, dear, to its utmost.”"—Siren Always. When God first made our little And placed a woman here, That she should find a mirror and Look in it isn’t queer. For vain has woman always been, And vain she'll always be As long as woman’s beautiful And as long as man can sce. world, Siren, How It Happened—.lrchie—How does it happen that Smith hasn't that habit talking to himself any more? Burt—He caught himself cheating # nd hasn't. spoken to ack o° Lantern. solitaire since. himself Cause and Effect—Gambling is th child of avarice, the brother of iniqt the father of mischief.—George Wa. He must have been a heavy loser. uity and shingles —Tige. The absolute ass—Why is reading exactly like waltzing? The algebraic equiv know; please tell me. The absolute ass—Because one lent of zero—I do not always goes slowly when one comes to the rou places.—Record. comicbooks.com