Judge, 1916-02-05 · page 23 of 28
Judge — February 5, 1916 — page 23: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains satirical humor and period advertising typical of the early 20th century. **"Passing the Mustard"** is a humorous poem about John Smith, a suburban homeowner driven to madness by the accounting nightmare of rapidly-cycling domestic servants. The joke satirizes both the era's chronic "servant problem" (high turnover among household staff) and the absurdity of trying to calculate wages owed to multiple departing employees—he becomes so overwhelmed he's institutionalized "doing fractions." It's social commentary on employer frustrations. The page also contains brief joke items on miscellaneous topics (church fundraising, excessive jewelry, office misunderstandings). **The Nujol advertisement** occupies the right half. Notably, it quotes Harvey W. Wiley (a real Progressive-era food safety crusader) to promote mineral oil as a "scientific" constipation treatment—not a laxative, the ad insists. This reflects early 20th-century health anxieties and the marketing of patent medicines before FDA regulation. The **Hotel Marie Antoinette** ad at bottom is straightforward lodging promotion. The page is primarily entertainment and advertising rather than political cartooning.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Passing the Mustard The Pathetic Ballad of John Smith, His Cooks John Smith did in the suburbs live And brought a cook from town, By promising that he would give Each week $6 down, But ere three days had passed away— Three d. plus hours two— She jumped her job, but yet did stay To get her wages due. So Smith got out his pencil, and Did figure in his book, To reckon what he ought to hand To this unhappy cook. He labored through the waning day, And had the night to boot Arithmetic, he used to say, Was never his long suit. another cook was hired, yed with them till Sunday Ato:g. The next was fired In two weeks, lacking one day. What boots it of the rest to speak? ‘Twould take too many pages: They stayed but fractions ¢ While Smith still figured wages. He got behind them more and more. When this week's girl departed, On her who'd left two weeks before He hadn't even started! He quit his job. His time was spent In reckoning how much He owed each of the cooks that went And there were scores of such! He quit, one day, with maniac yell, And those who saw his actions Confined him in a padded cell, And there he’s doing fractions! Ted Robinson, in Cleveland Plain Dealer. The Last Resort—A Scotch minister in need of funds thus conveyed his intentions to his congregation: “Weel, friends, the kirk is urgently in need of siller, and as we have failed to get money honestly we will have to see what a bazar can do for us.”—Tit-Bits. Too Much Metal—‘She wears too much jewelr: “Think so? “Ido. No fun to hold a hand like that. You can get the same sensation by holding a handful of curtain rings and a wrist watch.” —Kansas City Journal. An Attachment—A gent (entering office) —I've an attachment for your typewriter, sir, which I— Busy man—Well, settle it with her. You> love affairs are no concern of mine.— Boston Transcript. Warned—* You say you are a pacifist?” “Yes,” replied the indignant person, “and let me tell you, sir——” “Hold on a minute. Approved by Harvey W. Wiley Director of Good House- keeping Bureau of Foods, San- itation and Health OLD MEN WHO LOOK YOUNG OCTORS will tell you that the secret of this hale old age is perfect elimination. It is constipation that is chiefly respon- sible for the tragedies of premature age which the pressure of modern life has made increas- ingly common. Because of the evident dangers of the laxative habit, specialists in this country and abroad, following the lead of the famous English surgeon, Sir William Arbuthnot Lane, have adopted the mineral oil treat- ment as a far safer, saner, and more scientific means of encouraging normal movements. Nujol is the purest form of white mineral oil. It is not a drug nora laxative, but acts in effect as a mild in- ternal lubricant, facilitating the processes of evacuation and so helping to restore the bowels to normal tone. Most druggists carry Nujol, which is sold only in pint bottles packed in cartons bearing the Nujol trade- mark. If your druggist does not carry Nujol, accept no substitute. We will send a pint bottle pre- paid to any point in the United States on receipt of 75c—money order or stamps. Write for booklet, “The Rational Treatment of Con- stipation.” Address Dept. 13. STANDARD OIL COMPANY (New Jersey) Bayonne New Jersey Nujol REG.US. PAT. MARIE ANTOINETTE 66th & 67th Sts. Broadway NEW YORK CITY SITUATED in the most convenient location in town. Modern in every detail, absolutely fire-proof, within ten minutes of the leading department stores, shops and theatres. Convenient to Pennsylvania and Grand Central Depots. Rooms, with Bath, $2.50 Per Day Up. Suites, $4.00 Per Day Up. RESTAURANT OP UNUSUAL EXCELLENCE H. STANLEY GREEN - - Managing Director “Well?” “If you are pacifist, don't shake your fist at me.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Rooms, $1.50 Per Day Up To Boost Prices—Bill—It was only last week that the New York health au- comicbooks.com