Judge — January 29, 1916 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ALWAYS THE GENTLEMAN “I'm suah you'll pawdon the slight interruption, Grace, dear; but I could not let the remarks of this ruffianly person pass unnoticed !" Ye Dogburg Gazette ITTLE FIDO BINGLE, whose mysterious disappearance, as LE reported in Ye Gazette at time of our going to press last week, profoundly agitated this community, was discovered the next day asleep in his master’s whiskers, amongst which he had gone to frolic. Our esteemed fellow-citizen, Joth Gink, who owns forty-two of the finest dogs and puppies in Dogburg, moved into the resi- dence situate between Miss Lura Ling’s and Rev. Mr. Smith's Tues. morning. Miss Lura Ling was removed to the Western State Hos- pital suffering from some form of nervous disorder Tues. afternoon. Rev. Mr. Smith left Dog- burg on Tues. night for a visit out of town, where he will write his sermon for the com- ing Sunday. Ye Editor of Ye Dogburg Gazette has 5 fine new pup- pies at his home. There was a grand and thrilling fight between Herb Suzza’s bulldog Antonio and Doc Draper's new bulldog, which he had not named yet, Wednesday noon in front of the P.O. Doc Draper’s dog died painlessly at the last, as Ye Doc administered chlo- roform. Miss Reba Luck did not attend school on Thurs. owing to an important gathering of 285 dogs who were negotiat- ing some bones that got thrown into the street in front of Prof. Ferguson’s residence, which is on the way to school. * Judge Weefberry’s twin dogs, Pest and Pestilence, got Abie—A fool and his money are soon parted. caught in a barbed wire contraption, feloniously arranged in front of Prof. Hall's chicken-house, on Thurs. night. We shall say in passing that our best known and most aristocratic dogs are not to be interfered with. Dogburg welcomes to its midst Col. James Pokeberry, who moved into town this week with his 78 dogs and family. The late Ponto Bolingbroke was buried with honors from the family residence Thurs. p. m. Ponto was a grand, cultured and distinguished dog, and held the consecutive barking record of Dogburg, the same being 8 days and 9 nights. Ye Editor of Ye Dogburg Gazette has hima new cast iron hat, and finds it a pleasant conven- ience, as it both protects his Gray Matter, and cannot be detrimentally chewed by ye playful pup- pies of ye frequent callers at ye Editorial Sanctum of Ye Dogburg Gazette. —Fred. Ladd. Wasted Effort fried woman set out to convince circles of her newly adopted city of aristocratic lineage and upbring- ing. She purchased an expensive book on the etiquette of the upper classes, took a course in auc- tion under Madame de V dd steeped her husband in the philosophy and the diction of pink teas and formal dinners. What she could she bought on the deferred payment plan, and what she could not she borrowed from the neighbors. When all was ready she cut the grocery allowance to the point of dimin- ishing returns and hurled herself and her husband bodily into the Best Society. After two or three years of commendable effort she gravitated to the level of several other women who were doing the same thing, and lived unhappily ever after. An ounce of preten- sion requires more than a pound of cure. —A. E. Sup. No man ever gets to be so rich that he thinks he would be happier if he didn’t have so much money Tkie—But not so quickly as a fool and somebody else’s money. comicbooks.com