Judge — January 22, 1916 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LAUGHS BY THE WAY By WILBUR’ D. NESBIT Man AS a general thing, taken by and large, men are honest— except with themsel : A man will cheat himself on his score at golf, when he knows that failing to set down the full number of strokes does not make him a better golfer. If he is a fat man, and is diet- he will shove the weight back a pound or in his heart he is ing to reduce, two on the scales, when he knows heavier than that. Then he will tell his friends about “going around yes- terday in 92,” and “taking off a.pound and a half in three days” by his diet. With these two e: Therefore, all you n about golf or reducing. ceptions almost every man is honest xl to do is to discount what he says Movie Salaries “7 HAVE been making a few calculations,” says the man with the serrated whiskers and the foreshortened pencil, looking up from his paper. “I have kept a record of the salaries paid moving picture stars, and find that they can be paid, provided we run the mint night and day and speed up the bank note printing plants to a double schedule. Within two years the aggregate sum paid moving picture stars would settle all the national debts of all the governments of the world, dig eight Panama canals and build and equip nine transcontinental railways, to say nothing of providing postoffice buildings and white marble libraries in all cities of over five thousand inhabitants. The only thing that bothers me is to figure how the banking facilities of the world can be made sufficiently extensive to handle the enormous amount of funds that will be deposited by the film actors and actresses.”” Doctor—You have nervous prostration. fones—But | can't leave my business ; tor—You don’t need to—give the ticket to your wife. Buy a ticket for Californi: His wife—That's a good idea, Thomas! Try to catch him in your net! “Mr. Jones,” says the proprietor to his superintendent, “I think you had better have a little investigation made of young Freely.” “Why, he seems to be very industrious and perfectly satist he gets a very low salary, but he never asks for a raise. He about as hard a place as anybody on the pay roll, but he is really doing well.” “That's just it. The young man is enticely too cheerful. When a man who works for us, at what we pay, is cheerful, then’s the time to suspect him.” Misunderstood Her “Harold,” says his prim, maiden aunt, who is lunching with him during her visit to the great city. “Do you think a lady should smoke cigarets in a public dining room?” “Why, [ humbly beg your pardon,” stammers Harold, nervously beckoning a waiter. “I'll order a package for you right away, aunty.” Her Habit JFOR hines made here she ttle cates What we achieve ne'er stirs her pride; Shoes, hats. and everything she wears She orders from the other side. And yet Fd not condemn the maid If it were not (though ardently So long to her m rt I've paid) That she’s so n, too, to me! Nathan M. Levy. An Observation LTHOUGH Dan Cupid sometimes may Not hit the mark, I hold His arrows seldom go astray pped with gold! —Harold Susman. When they are Troubles OST troubles that so rouse When everything scems ge Are trifles that we'd quite forget Ifa real troul uur fret ng wrong, ale came along. Strickland Gillilan, comicbooks.com