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Judge, 1916-01-15 · page 8 of 28

Judge — January 15, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at

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Judge — January 15, 1916 — page 8: Judge, 1916-01-15

What you’re looking at

This page contains two distinct pieces: **Upper Section: A Short Story About Hat Sales** A French milliner narrator recounts a romantic crisis resolved through clever intervention. When a Count accidentally compliments his fiancée Miss Anderson while entranced by her beauty, she faints. The narrator's employee Babette salvages the situation by convincing Miss Anderson the Count was sleepwalking—a romantic excuse that restores peace. The joke targets wealthy customers' vanity: the narrator cares less about the couple's feelings than securing "the order for the hats," successfully manipulating both parties through flattery. **Lower Section: "The Night That I Skated with Kate"** A humorous poem about ice skating where the narrator and Jim each pursue romantic interests (Kate and Satie). Jim skillfully cuts Satie's name into the ice while the narrator merely pushes along with Kate. The punchline: by being a mediocre skater, the narrator wins Kate while Jim loses her to the narrator. Both pieces are lighthearted romantic comedy aimed at Judge's middle-class readership, emphasizing commercial self-interest and comedic male rivalry.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Favorite child—"Father, did you ever stop to examine a Snow Flake?” The great man (his thoughts elsewhere)—"No. Why? Is there any money in “em?” The Count, he The r sharply listening cars The hats fall from my hands. with an intonation th says to Babette: “ Count, monsieur—he kissed Babette! Within the alcove Miss Anderson has fainted. I call for rush from the workrooms. My salon loses all its disgraceful! Miss Anderson revi “O, false and faithless one!" she Count implores forgiveness. “T will buy no trous mand the order for thes Mon Dieu! I rush out of the a woman? Will she not have this man’s name, her own pocketbook? Must she then have all his love and kisses? these women are so grasping! I have no patience with them. | I seize that Babette by the arm. “Think of something, and repair the } mischief you have done?” I shrick into her ear. | ] I did so trust you, Armand! I shall counter- and sobs in. What is the matter with this his home, his children, and My faith! Monsicur, this girl Babette has many talents. As she works she entertains her young companions with stories of her own making, and she herself acts | all the parts. Immediately this clever one sees my dilemma, and goes within i the alcove. Miss Anderson shrinks proudly from her. i “It is not fair, it is not fair,” Babette begins to murmur like one compelled Determination rests upon her features, and | by conscience to an intervention. } she continues firmly: | “The Count was in a dream, Miss Anderson. As‘your fiancé watched \] your beauty in the many hats you purchased, he was entranced. As one who walks in sleep, the Count approached me, and whispered words he meant for you alone to hear. O, yes, I understood he saw me not, that he had your image with him. That he should be blamed for his deep affection for you, O, it is not fair,” said Babette, and went lamenting from the alcove. Miss Anderson turned penitent to the Count. dreamer, Armand, my mystic lover!” I heard whisper as I hurricd after Babette. Monsieur, I gave them time enough for reconciliation, and none for explanations, and then returned to resume the sale of hats as if naught of consequence had happened. O, after that, all was serene. Anderson bought Babette a hat. Count de Choquet flashed unto my beautiful assistant nce of gratitude undying. This thing was near a tragedy, my friend. I might have lost the order for the hats. Of course I called Babette to chide the girl most sharply. — But in my heart, monsicur, I ask, why all this mad excitment for— one “My her Before she left Miss When going out, the The Night That I Skated with Kate Te ERE is no provision against a collision When lovers don skates for a glid It's Katie and Satie—the time it is “‘matey"— With Jim and I in on the side. Jim docs all the fancy of blades’ necromancy. Can cut a love-knot on the ice. But I am a pusher of the outer-sider rusher Plain skating considered not nice. We're gliding from troubles the while the heart bubbles Jim's cutting Sate’s name; it was great To sec his blades shifty do such a stunt nifty Whilst I inly glide on with Kate. Kate’s eyes so entrancing, they set my heart dancing; Her little hand tucked 'neath my arm Grips me till I tingle, We hit in a mingle Of love that is mixed to a charm. We met in the middle of the pond; the riddle Is easy to solve. I found Sate Grown chilly to. Jimmy—and, say, I got her, and Jimmy got Kate well, by blimy’ Horace Symour Keller. insomnia’s gettin’ worse. Can't even sleep when it’s time to get up.” comicbooks.com