Judge — January 8, 1916 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

One Uplift Needed HERE ought to be at least one maga- zine in the country dedicated to the uplift of the unobtrusive husband. At present he is shockingly unqualified for the mass of domestic duties which his new field of inactivity has showered upon him. What does he know, for instani bout preparing FL an ing meal for a * jaded and defeated wife, home from a weary strug- gle at auction, with her head full of unsuccess- fully doubled slams and her irrepressible obesity replete with fruit salad, lady fingers and black cofice? Truly he knows nothing about it. And he knows less about keeping himself and the children tidy, and the home cozy. Nor will he know until some punc- tiliously edited periodical champions his cause and sup- plies him with a vile assort- ment of inexpert advice every now and then. In such a magazine young and inexperienced husbands should be given special helps. They should be taught the opinions of the more prominent women of affairs in regard to the teaching of sex hygiene in the public schools, religious training in the home, and birth control. They shou'd learn just what fraction of « child the graduate of Harvard, Yale or Columbia is caring for at the present time and for him. Unless he is immediately sup- plied with considerable piffle, he is liable to fall back into the sensible practices of his grandmother, and thus turn back the hands of medical digression two or three degener- ations. The modern husband must be raised above the status of a mere household drudge. Woman has reached a level where further progress is impossible unless man, who is in some respects essential to efficient and pro- ductive home life, is brought up to a nom- inal state of respectability and enlightened activity. Erroneous Alarm VERY now and then some psychologist sits back on his points his nose in the air, and lift dismal howl about the “movi the newspapers making the good people frantic aunches, a long and EXCUSABLE NEGLECT of the United minded. He would have us believe that our ears are likely to shrivel into ornamental wattles and our eyes evolve into bulging spheres of comprehension. He periodically intimates that the time is near when all intelligence will enter the brain over the optic gang- plank. But let us think a while States disastrously —eye- Let us listen. What says our erudite fricnd about cele- vated cars, chain-driven motor trucks, unearthly auto horns, newsboys, grind organs, musical comedy, unwelcome phono- graphic depredations, and the nocturnal tomeat colloquies that exasperate our forsaken tympanums? What about the musically-inclined family in the apartment across the alley, and the nerve-racking rattle of the riveting hammers in the new steel structure around the corner? Truly, it takes a man of wonderful vision and concen- tration to foresee the time when our ears may be ironed out neatly, and folded away to rest. Brief Decisions OME men don’t think any- thing of spending ten dol- lars’ worth of time trying to borrow five. 2 There may be plenty of room at the top, but that is no reason why people should swell up when they get there. * Some people wait until the how many his mother cared for thirty years ago. Then there is the expectant father, who is in particular need of misdirection. Usually he is in the blankest ignorance of what fate holds in store Trateer yp jotafe x Rat’ Attorney for plaintiff —You have testified that your conduct toward your wife was always affectionate and punctilious. Now, isn’t it a fact that you left the house one morning without kissing her good-bye ? Perkins (who is defending a separation suit on the ground of cruel and inhuman treatment)—Yes, sir. Attorney (triumphantly) —Ah. I thought so. Now will you tell us why you left your wife without kissing her good-bye ? Perkins—Because she had just hit-me in the mouth with a flatiron, and my oscu- latory apparatus was temporarily disabled. Yee wes TAR oe | V ewatga Snes! ’ AAA PHAN \, wings of the morning are pretty well clipped before they get out of bed. 2 The truth is that few men have their price, but a lot of them are trying to get it. T Poo2 <a { comicbooks.com