Judge — December 11, 1915 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

And Jimmy never could understand how teacher knew he was reading * Deadwood Dick instead of his geography lesson. A Christmas Eve Monologue Time: Ten o'clock. Place: Bed. Speaker: Ted. i] JUST wonder i it's so? Bob an’ Jim had oughter know, (Cause they both are older'n me: Bob is neatly ‘leven, an’ he Says be knows for sure an’ Jim Says his Pa owned up to him.” (Vans) “An’ I guess it’s maybe right, $0 I'm goin’ to watch to-night. Mlketon.. . to be asleep, Then... I'll take a teeny peep. Bob says... that our Ma: Pas Isthe only... (yawns) . . . Santy Claus. (Blink, Mink) (Blinks and yawns) the socks, (Pause) “TB just... watch them fill . . Same as Jim did with hi: Then I'll see them . . - Tothe door . . . (blink, Wink) an’ then I'll say, ‘Oyou Santy Claus’. . . (deep sigh) an’ then— « (silence) Gee! It’s Christmas! An’ he’s been. Frederick Moxon. Who Owned the Train? Passenger (to colored porter)—Excuse me, but please tell me when the breakfast car opens— Colored porter—We's just had our coffee and rolls, so it’s all ready for the guests now. He—Madam, will you please give me something to eat? I've seen 4 bt of trouble. She—Hum ! I suppose you're a chauffeur out of a job. Sentiment ALF the world thinks the other half has no sentiment. That is be- cause half the world never stopped to consider carefully what sentiment is. Everybody on the hither side of the grave has sentiment, because senti- ment is merely feeling. If you feel a certain way about a thing that is your sentiment about it. But all peo- ple do not feel the same way about things. Therefore there are many different variations and permutations of sentiment as there are things to think about and people to think about them. If your sensory organs are sympathetic to a certain kind of senti- mental stimuli, you have one kind of sentiment, but if not, you remain un- moved. Half the world doesn’t stop to figure this out. Half the world merely notes that the other half is not senti- mental about the same things in the same way, and therefore concludes that the other half is not sentimental at all but merely cold, callous and coma- tose. —E.0. J. One on the Professor “Has anything ever been discovered on Venus?” asked the stu- dent in astronomy. “No,” replied the old professor, whose mind had slipped a cog and transported him in- to mythological fields, “not if the pictures of her are authentic.” A Very Short Story O”’ A dark night, a mysterious figure crept, step at a time, putting first one foot in front and then the other, across the mea- dow, thence over a gul- ly, and then away into the bushes. In a mo- ment it emerged from the other side, and with HELPING THE NEEDY Fashionable lady—Take this money and buy yourself some decent and proper clothes. feathery tread continued in the direction of a lonely looking house that was enveloped in the inky darkness of a clump of trees. Then the hands of the dark figure that had moved so cautiously through a side gate and into the rear yard, reached forth and after fingering nervously at a door, disappeared inside, closing it gently behind him. Soon the figure emerged and slunk away and was completely swallowed up by the darkness. CONCLUSION Next day, Washington Jones, colored, had chicken for dinner. Retort Courteous Blasé shopper (10:30 Pp. M. Christmas Eve) —O dear! How disagreeable the clerks all are to-night. I wonder what they are peeved about? Shop-girl—The manager just told us we wouldn’t have to work tomorrow. When a woman will, she will; and usually that is just the beginning of it. comicbooks.com