Judge — November 27, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Chopping Him Off “IT don’t want to interfere with your business, but—” began the village bore. “All right!” interrupted Cyrus K. Snap- per, “Go ahead and interfere with it!” His Traditions “What in heaven’s name made you stop delivering your lines and simply stand there like a dummy, right in the middle of the crucial situation of the whole play?” asks the despairing manager of the film star who has been induced to appear in the legitimate. “Why,” explains the star, “I A Problem “What should one do,” asks the young doctor, “when a patient comes in and diagnoses his own case exactly “In such a_ situation,” explains the experienced physician, “you must use your best judgment of human nature. If the patient is one kind of a man he will appre- ciate your agrecing with his diagnosis as showing that he knows as much as you do; on the other hand he may go about and say that you don’t know any more than he does. couldn’t help that. I was just waiting for the audience to come nearer for a close-up.” Equals LL MEN created equal are Despite these facts we face Friend A must hustle for a job, Friend B accepts a place. A walks the streets, a careless wight, Each year with the same wife; B, careworn, in his touring-car Races pale Death with Life. B of the land, and eke the sea And mountains takes his fill; A takes of life not fill, but film— The movies, if you will, A hundred dollars—make it five! What, pray, cares B for either? As little, maybe, as friend A, Whose check is good for neither! A business blow-up! Where is B? Sky-high, if not above it! Friend A holds his old dinky job Which erstwhile none did covet All men created equal? Yea Why should these things perplex? If X plus ¥ must equal Z, Z less ¥ equals X!—Albert E. Hoyt. sees are REMINISCENCES “And I chased the whole bunch!” What It Is Human interest (remarks McFee, who is a recognized authority on this and every- thing else) may be said to consist mainly, mostly, largely, if not nearly altogether, of 100 per cent human chasing after the 100 per cent interest. A Home Staying Travelogue The butcher had accidentally got locked in one of his own cold storage compart- ments filled with wienie “Tt is just like being lost in the Arctics,” he mused when the realization of his plight settled down upon him. “If a relief expedition doesn’t reach me, I'll be just like any other Polar traveler in distress, I'll have to cat my own dogs.” His Observation “While it is quite true that you cannot raise flowers with last year’s sunshine,” said J. Fuller Gloom, “L have often observed that it is perfectly possible for persons of the most mediocre qualifications to exalt themselves to fairly high positions in social or political circles on the strength of their relationship to their ancestors or their resem- blance to the grand old statesmen of the past.” The Only One HE LADIES try to catch the eye With hats and dresses new; The college lad is just as bad, And airs his fashions, But after all, ing or Fall, This truth remaineth still, + soldier boy's the only guy at's all dressed up to kill —Jos. M. Morton.