Judge — November 20, 1915 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Let us be thankful for those . whom we toast and for the drink worthy of the honor— CLUB COCKTAILS —for whose delicate and dis- tinctive flavor discerning people | are thankful all the year ‘round. a AN UNUSUAL PRODUCTION G. F. HEUBLEIN & BRO Importers of the famous Brand’s A-I Sauce HARTFORD NEW YORK LONDON CARAMELS Are the most carefully made of all confections. At certain times they will appeal to you more than heavy chocolates. At the show—nothing to soil the most delicate gown or hand covering. Most first-class shops are now offering them. NEW YORK RETAIL STORES: Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street 30 West 34th Street Standard Arcade the My Love Story \ lady of sagacity and beautiful audacity once had the pert Passing Mustard ty to ask me, at her da If Lcan find a minister who is not bold or sinister—why should I stay a spinister— ai 04 a bachelde It was no time for puttering or stammering or stuttering, and so I hastened, uttering as fat . ste as F could speak “Had [a home colonial, with furnishings bai al, L might feel matrimonial—but NOT o six a week.” She laughed and said quite cynical: “Well, you're the very pinnacle of everything that | finical”"—but I said nothing more. And thus we found no minister, and 1 moved off to Finisterte, and she is still a spinister And I'm a bacheldore.—Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch Methodical Shopping—“ James, my lad assistant, “who bought that moldy chi “Mrs. Brown, sir,” was the youth’s reply. “And the stale loaf we could not sell last night?” Brown, sir.” id the grocer to his new today?” PRP. RB. .B.BKEQW 38 a Be “Where’s that lump of rancid butter that the baker cefused?” “Mrs. Brown bought it cheap, sir,” was the answer, E> § “And the six eggs we could not sell a week since: “Mrs. Brown. Are you ill, sir?” asked James, -as the grocer tured and groaned. ‘0, no; only I’m going to tea at Brown’s tonight,” replied the unhappy | man as he wiped the perspiration from his face and sank into a chair New York Times. gre PePaE oa. The Fun Eliminated—“Why do ye look so sorrowful, Dennis?” asked one man of another. “T just hear-r-d wan man call another a liar, and the man that was called a liar said the other man would have to apologize, or there would be a fight.” “And why should that make you look so sad?” “The other man apologized.” —Chicago Herald. gp 8 rT Be He Knew It—*Do you believe that there is really something which can invariably tell when a man is lying?” “T know it.” “Ah, perhaps you have seen one of the instruments?” Seen one? I married one.” —Buffalo Courier. wm Bb So Inefficient Service—Tuilor—The postal service is in a wretched con dition. Friend: er noticed it. Tailor—Well, I have. During last month I posted one hundred and eighty statements of accounts, with requests for immediate payment, and, so far as I can learn, not more than two of my customers received their letters.—Dallas News. Too Theoretical—Trustee— We're thinking of putting up a nice motto over your desk to encourage the children. How would “Knowl edge is wealth” do? Teacher—Not at all. The children know what my salary is.—Chiag Herald. The Deceiver—Fumily Physician—I am afraid, Mrs. Gaybird, your husband can not last much longer. The trouble with your husband, m- dam, is that he has overdrawn his account at the bank of vitality. Mrs. Gaybird—I felt sure he was deceiving me about something. Doc tor, I give you my word, I never knew he had any account there.—Te peka Journat. The Sad One—“ May I ask the cause of all this excitement?” said the stranger in the little village. “Certainly,” replied the countryman. ‘We're celebrating the birthday of the oldest inhabitant. She's ror today.” “Indeed! And may I ask who is that little man with the dreaé fully sad face, walking by the old lady’s side?” “Oh, that’s the old lady’s son-in-law. He's been keeping up tt For | payments on her life insurance policy for the last thirty years.” | % Ric Cincinnati Enguirer. ae A Safe Plan—“What are you going to wear to the fancy-dres | and then if I do something that makes the guests snicker mayit party?” “IT dunno,” replied Mr. Cumrox. “1 guess I'll go as a dor comichooks.colm