Judge — November 13, 1915 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cteayann naereray D | The Downtrodden Joy-Riders WOULD-BE benefactor of his kind takes occasion to point out some of the obstacles to the comfort of the downtrodden joy-rider. Chil- dren, he says, are permitted to play in the streets. Boys will run in front of the auto- mobiles, and then turn around and shout ‘‘Never touched me!’’ Children will suddenly dart from behind vehicles standing by the curb—and so will grownups. Women will start to go across, and suddenly stop, in front of the car; or, having crossed, will turn quickly and try to go back. Then there are boys and men riding bi- cycles and motorcycles, especially at night, in dark places; automobiles and wagons without lights; the rival joy-rider who “cuts across” without warning, wagons which undertake to turn around in the mid- dle of a busy block, and so forth, and so on. All these things are fairly obvious, but qui bono? or, to translate into plain Chau- cerian English, what's boning him? If there were no clement of danger, would any one want to drive a car? If there were none, would any one want to walk? Did any well regulated human being, or even a government regulated human being, ever crave the doing of what he could just as well do as not, just as easily as rolling off a log? What draws the crowd to see an aviation test? How many of them would be there if they knew that it was perfectly safe? Would the aviator himself be there, in that event? Why are the tents crowded when the human fly disports himself on the tight rope away up in the top of the tent? E Why are the shores crowded when somebody shoots the rapids of Niagara or attempts to falls ina barrel? Lf it was not would any one pay to put his head in’ the creature’s mouth? Some years ago, a philosopher solved the Brooklyn Bridge crush. His solution was this: Instead of everybody taking the first train, let some of them wait for the second. So rational was this argument that everybody ran for the first train and hung on by his eye-lashes to discuss it with every one else. It only needed not a public service commissions law, but a law to change human nature, in order to abolish the bridge crush and every similar congestion of traffic. It is, there- fore, with some diffidence that His go over the a sure enough lion, see the lion-tamer Mirth IRTH is the favoring extract of the workaday world. Mirth obliterates pessimism, _banishes worry, neutralizes care, enhances pleasure, softens pain and decorates success. It is the surcease of sorrow and disaster. Mirth is the adornment of existence, Nothing is more esthetic than mirth. It ul part of art, sculpture y, though powerful, is is the most beaut and poetry. ‘Tra, stultified by mirth. Mirth is music. From soft smiling lips a melodic kiss is breathed upon the ear of the world. Nothing offends like success. Honor takes cognizance of the joy- rider’s dilemma, and proposes this ameliatory rule: when he hits any one, be it determined that the first time shall not count. In other words, he must do it over again; this should remove an clement of doubt whether it was the chauffeur’s good marksmanship or mere bull- head luck. The Main Question A man asks: “Is it durable?” A woman asks: “Is it stylish? A child as “Is it good to cat?” Brief Decisions NY MAN can talk himself into trouble, but it takes a lawyer to talk him out. 2 A pimento isa red pepper that has gotten into society. @ ‘The man who pays ashe gocs'is M33? a coming man. Belle—Is Jack desperately in love with the widow Von —Well, Jack owes fifty thou’, and has no asset but an adoring smile.