Judge — November 6, 1915 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stories with Smiles Needed No Extras—Down in the crim- son clover zone there were two farmers named Jones and Smith, respectively. Jones was old-fashioned, and stuck to old- fashioned ways, but Smith, who was more modern, bought a fine new automobile. One day he was proudly exhibiting it to some friends, when Jones came along. “Um,” remarked Jones, as he thought- fully sized up the handsome machine. “‘What’s that thing there on the side?” “That's a spare rim and a tire,” answered the proud Smith. “We always carry an extra one in case one of the wheels gocs wrong.” “Jes’ as I allers said,” was the disdainful response of Jones. “I’ve druv hosses fer nigh on fifty years, and I never had to carry a spare leg fer one o’ them yet.”—Phila- delphia Press. His Sad Mistake—The apopletic little man pounded the counter with his apopletic little fist. “J never dealt here before and I'll never deal here again!” he shouted. “The man- agement here is rotten. You have nothing, nothing! I'll try once more. Have you any tomatoes?” “No, sir; sorry, sir,” replied the clerk. “What? Not even in cans?” “Not even in bottles.” The apopletic little man crushed his hat down farther on his head and bit his lip until the blood came. He consulted the list in his hand. “T'll give you another chance! Have you any potatoes? Think carefully now!” “Not a potato in the place,” said the clerk apologetically. “Ye gods! Well, I'll give you one more chance. I’d like to’ see the ‘end of this. Have you any sugar?” “Not a grain, sir. Sorry, sir.” The apopletic little man sat down on a stool and let his list flutter to the floor. “And you call this a grocery store?” he said tauntingly. “No, sir,” corrected the clerk mildly. “This is a cigar store.” The apopletic little man rolled off the stool in a fit.—Indianapolis Star, | Where He Got It—He was a witness in a case in the police court. “What is your name?” inquired Prose- cutor Robinson. “Mah name?” from the darky incred- uously. , “I'm talking to you,” snapped the prose- cutor. “Well, suh, mah name is Hallowed Hopkins,” answered the negro. “Hallowed—Hallowed!” gasped the judge. “Where did you get that name?” “Frum mah maw,” answered the negro. “Tt am frum de Scriptuahs.”” “From the Scriptures? What part of the Scriptures?” “Doan you all r’membah, judge, wheah it says ‘Hallowed be thy name?’” The judge recalled the passage.—Louis- ville Times. No Chance for Him—A man _ was on trial before a Wisconsin judge for horse stealing. When it came time for the lawyers on both sides to tell the judge what instruc- LODGE and SOCIETY THE PHILADELPHI, Finish This St Yourself— Ory tay The girl got $6 a week and was lonely. “Piggy”. imagine his kind—was waiting dewrstaite: He knee = champagne and musiccouldbehad. But that night she didn’ go. That was Lord Kitchener's doing. But-another night? O. HENRY tells about it in this story, with that full k: women, with that frank facing of sexiand’ deren that have endeared him to the men and women of the land. was off the press, to the 50,000 who have eager!: volumes offered you here—from the stylist who si the man on the street—this whole nation bows to him with love and pride our greatest writer of stories. 2 is but one of the 274 stories, in 12 big vol you get for 25 cents a week, if you send the coupes To Those Who Are Quick KIPLING © Given Away Never was there an offer like this. Not only do you O. Henry stories in 12 volumes at less than others peid fertons vols of the first edition, but you get Kipling’s best 179 short stories and poems and his long novel without paying a cent. You get 18 Folumes, packed with love and hate and lacghter-—a big’ ckelf fall of handsome books. Send the Coupon Send Coupon and you will under- and you will un- stand as never before why other hations are going wild over him. MC, A. Boccaccio: “Master of the Short Story:* “Creator | New Literature:” “Discoverer of Romance Sereetars “The American de for rights to dramatize his stories: why ‘newspapers. all over, the country are continually offering big. sums for the right to re- peint his stories. proval. If you don't you don’t read and only a made us extend it this long. Send the coupon today and be glad. Review of Reviews Co. 201rving Pt, W.¥. iblems In MIDGET Size AKE Money Drawing Comic Pictures. Let the world’s famous cartoonist, Eugene Zimmerman, spill a few ideas into your head. Get the Zim Book— it's chuck full of valuable suggestions. Price $100 postpaid. Bound in 3-3 Morocco. Satisfaction gua anteed. Money back if book returned in ten days. addres Zim Book pest 116 BRUNSWICK BUILDING NEW YORK St., Philadelphia, Pa. FS Besspaesc aeee lec