Judge — October 23, 1915 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Comforts of Archaeology PRM an address lately delivered at Winona Lake, Ind., by Camden M. Cobern, archacologist, we extract certain facts and deduce certain conclusions as to the things which make life worth living for the Roman citizen of the year 1, Christian era. There were flats to rent —but no janitors. The word janitor denotes and presupposes supreme au- thority. The mind cannot conceive of a janitor in a time when all you had to do was to say “Caesarem appello” and Presto, Change! Insect authority would crawl off into the back street and obligingly dic. Shorthand was as common then as now— and short change even commoner; for instance, Caesar asked Brutus for quarter and got twenty-three for his. There were elevators in cer- tain palatial homes, not, however, including the highball. There were pipe organs, and pipe dreams; lifts, but nothing of the uplift; there were commuters, but so far as the record shows no Jersey 'skecters, and a scarcity of Long Island marshes is to be inferred. Roads were built which equaled any of ours, both in the abstract and in the concrete; and while Caesar subdivided all Gall into three parts, some of those old Ro- man road contractors must have split it fifty-fifty. It must be loads of fun to be an archaeologist, and browse amid the mouldy tomes and dig down into the subcellar of antiquity, and especially, when one’s wife asks: “Is that billiard chalk on your coat?” to be able to reply to her, “My dear, that is the dust of ages! O R Brief Decisions who prides himself on | strength cannot even hold his tongu 5 Armed with a tongue and a broomstick the average woman can defeat a regiment of men. 2 A girl feels that she has fulfilled her mis- sion in life when she attempts to rear a goldfish. A pessimist will borrow trouble from him- self if he can’t do any better. * The man who is afraid of his wife never has any time to love her. 7 If you would lead, keep out of the way of those who would follow. * Elsie, did you go and tell mother I was playing in the coal bin?” Mediocrity Threatened NE of the many things that parents should stifle in their children is the God-given instinct for judicious disobedi- ence. This deplorable tendency, so prevalent in American youth, must be summarily dealt with, or the future mediocrity of our people will be un- dermined. Children, par- ticularly boys, who are not taught to obey without question invari- ably grow up with a disgusting penchant for exercising their own initiative. They are very likely, under such careless guid- ance, to fall into the habit of accomplish- ing things worth while, or to commit simi- lar unconventional and unexpected acts that will eternally blast the more self-respecting branches of the family tree. Perhaps the best way to guard against any such disgrace is to keep your boy cowed during childhood and adolescence and then place him in some over-disciplined college un- til the faculty thinks it safe to sell him a diploma. The hundreds of successes scored by boys who have been fired from college because they presumed to know better than to waste all their time doing what pro- fessors prescribe shows beyond all doubt that college discipline com- mittees quickly rid their halls of those who are brazen enough to find out anything for themselves. Another evidence that the parentally ad- ministered college is a safe place for your boy and that the work of dis- cipline committees is highly efficient is the fact that people who get a complete college education seldom ever get anything else. We men can say this much: none of our clothes button up the back.