Judge, 1915-08-28 · page 8 of 28
Judge — August 28, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of Judge's early 20th-century humor: **Main Narrative:** A dialogue between "the Hon. R. Martin Caldwell" and a local man discussing how a small town (Hilburg) has been transformed—its residents dispersed by a dam project five years prior. The satire mocks both the old gentleman's nostalgia for disreputable former townspeople (Rummy Parker, now respectable; Kid Klip, now famous) and the irony that rural modernization has erased the town itself. **"His Joyous Discovery":** A fable mocking mediocrity: a failed humorist finds success abroad only because audiences there lack cultural reference points to recognize his jokes as stale. The satire critiques both the traveling lecturer circuit (Chautauqua) and the gullibility of unsophisticated audiences. **Smaller quips** ("The Reason," "A Woman's Task") offer cynical observations on marriage and domestic labor—typical Judge fare emphasizing women's thankless work. The large illustration shows the "Annual Picnic of the Horsebreeders' Association," featuring early automobiles—the page's only non-satirical content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Caldwell; ‘‘but I'll wager the old boys haven't changed. What's become of Rummy Parker? Pauper’s grave before this, probably’’—— “Parker married my daughter. He's ben through college an’ is head of th’ State Agricultural College up there on th’ top of Sugar Loaf. See it?"’ The Hon. R. Martin gazed at the immense buildings. ‘‘And I used to pick huckleberries up there, and Rum- my Parker was held up as a horrible example. Then I suppose Goody Banks must be a terror, according to that?"" “*Not hardly a terror. He's in Noo York. Guess you don't go to none of them fights. He's known as Kid Klip, champeen lightweight." “This don’t look natural at all— this don’t look like Hilburg’’—— “‘Hilburg? ‘Course ‘tain’t!'’ sput- tered ‘‘Jim."" “Isn't Hilburg? Well, you're Jim Nearsighted aunt—I see James is flying a double peanant. Does that signify anything in the marine code? Weeks, ain't you?"’ Niece—It probably means ‘* Owner on board."’ 4 **Me? No; I'm Jim Barlow, and this is Montvale. Say, you ain't Bill Westover, be ye? Ye been “*Yes,"’ lied the Hon. R. Martin Caldwell; ‘‘I’m Bill West. talkin’ ‘bout Hilburg people’s though you knew ‘em, but I thought _ over’’. "course ye knew they tore that town up five years ago, build a dam **Wa'al, glad to meet ye. I git out here.’’ there, and made a reservoir outer it.'’ “If you go like lightning, we can get back to the county seat in time to catch the last train back to the city,"’ snapped the Hon. R. Martin Caldwell, looking at his watch. His Joyous Discovery NCE upon a time there was a wag who wandered away from home because he was not properly appreciated in his own town. In his journeyings he rambled far, and because he was a fool he experienced the luck which often attends fools, and finally came upon a country where, be cause the explorers had never found it, all his ancient and mildewed jokes were brand-new to the inhabitants. There, surrounded by audiences of people who had never heard even the oldest and lamest of his wheezes, he told his tales to thunders of applause. He speedily became the most popular man in that queer land, and presently wed- ded the beautiful princess, who had not only never heard anything worth hearing, but had also never seen anything worth looking at. He dwells there to-day, thoroughly ap- preciated and enjoying all the emoluments that come to him who achieves success of which he is truly worthy. His story is here given, in the hope that it may encour- age others of his sort to emigrate instead of going on the Chautauqua platform. The Reason ‘*T can't understand how old Rake thought that the little Angell girl would be congenial as a wife."" “Well, you know, the devil himself is always pictured as hanging around heaven, trying to get in, when he could go back home and have a bully time with his own kind.” A Woman’s Task A woman patches up the holes in a man's conscience, darns over the thin places in his character, and sews 09 the buttons that have come off his ideals in the wash But all that she ever gets credit for is saving a bit on his ANNUAL PICNIC OF THE HORSEBREEDERS' ASSOCIATION haberdashery bill.