Judge — July 31, 1915 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

eonare Stories with Smiles A San Francisco man tells of | Bo Heer ing abundantly near Santa 2 ora which is peculiarly attractive to says he, ‘‘there was a young , particularly fond of honey, it a certain Santa Barbara ry use such a superior sort of was to be had there. Cac ciee man married in due course, aod the wedding trip included Santa Bar- bara, so that the bride might taste this su- perb honey. But to his dismay no honey on the breakfast table the first morning of their stay. The groom frowned. He called the old familiar waiter over to a where's my honey?’ he demanded. “The waiter hesitated, looked awkwardly at the bride, and then bent toward the young man’s ear and in a hoarse whisper gammered, ‘Why, Marie don’t work here any more, Si '—Harper’s Magazine. Me ly Request—The Jones and Smith families lived side by side in a pretty little suburban village. The Jones family owned a phonograph. One night about eight o'clock little Mary Smith ram- bled over and knocked on the front door of the Jones house. “Mrs. Jones,"’ said little Mary, when the former opened the door, ‘‘mother wants to know if you won't please lend her your ” “My phonograph?" was the surprised response of Mrs. Jones. ‘‘What in the world does she want it for? Is she going was the candid answer of ‘She said she would like to bury it for a couple of hours, so she could get the baby to sleep.’’—Philadelphia Ledger. Johnny Made Good—JIn instructing a youthful class in mathematics, the pretty young teacher turned to John Jones, “Johnny,’’ she remarked, ‘‘can you tell me what an average is?’’ “Yes, ma’am,’’ was the prompt response 0 ; “an average is what a hen lays exclaimed the amazed teacher. “What on earth are you talking about?’’ “That's right, Miss Mary,’’ was the per- sistent rejoinder of Johnny. ‘‘’Most every lesson in our ‘rithmetic starts off, ‘If a lays two eggs a day on an average’! Philadelphia Telegraph, Made Him Hopeful—‘‘Yes, she rejected me, but she did it in a most encouraging ‘How was that?’’ ‘As I went away she pointed to the foot- ints that I had made on the carpet and id, ‘The next time you come to propose Pp me, I want you to wipe your shoes n!’ "Kansas City Star. Rotund—An elderly woman who was ex- tremely stout was endeavoring to enter a Street car, when the conductor, noticing her difficulty, said to her, “Try sideways, madam; try sideways.’’ ne woman looked up breathlessly and said, “Why, bless ye, I ain’t got no sideways!"" Louisville Herald. Attractive Short Sea Trips for Summer Vacations NEW YORK TO OLD POINT COMFORT, NORFOLK AND RICHMOND, VA. Special 4-Day, All Water Tour 888 miles of all 0 | 9 Historic James RRR ae betters Rahee PROS eteavetesos water travel my, RR WT wR XRMRERRR RSS Seereess River Route Including all expenses afloat and ashore Every week day at 3 P. M. from Pier 25, North River, New York. Send for illustrated pamphlet No.36 J. J. BROWN, Gen'l Pass. Agt. , W. L. WOODROW, Traf. Mgr. The RALEIGH Midway Between Capitol and White House WASHINGTON, D. C. European Plan E. L. WESTON, Manager }° Booklet and Full Information on Request. | Situated in an Ideal Location in the Centre of Every- | thing, on Pennsylvania Avenue Absolutely Fireproof. 500 Rooms, Nearly All with Bath Modern completely throughout, exquisitely furnished. It is just the hotel for you, your family, and where ladies can enjoy entire freedom from all objectionable features, and has beautiful roof garden. For years this hotel has been the headquarters for nearly all the foreign diplomats and government officials. The Restaurant of exceptional quality, at moderate rates. Rooms for one person, . . . 82.00 per day and up Rooms for two persons, | | | $3.00 per day and up Rooms with bath, one person, $2.50 per day and up Rooms with bath, two persons, $4.00 per day and up comicbooks.com