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Judge, 1915-07-24 · page 20 of 28

Judge — July 24, 1915 — page 20: what you’re looking at

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Judge — July 24, 1915 — page 20: Judge, 1915-07-24

What you’re looking at

This page mixes **advertising with humor columns** typical of Judge magazine's format. The main content includes: 1. **"The Cook's Package"** — A humorous poem by Strickland Gillilan about a middle-class employer puzzling over what his cook takes home daily. The joke plays on class anxiety: despite checking pantries and accounts, he cannot account for mysterious items she removes. It's satirical commentary on the employer-servant relationship and unspoken theft or perquisites common in domestic service. 2. **"From a Sinner's Diary"** — A gossipy personal essay about divorce proceedings and observing lawyers. The humor relies on social satire about legal formality, class distinctions (the narrator assuming lawyers judge her morally), and the contrast between dignified courtroom language and everyday speech. The **advertisements** include Black & White Scotch Whisky and the Studio of Pictorial Art, promoting correspondence instruction in cartooning under artist Grant E. Hamilton.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

S REASONS FOR SUPERIORITY No. S—UNVARYING QUALITY The constantly grow- Ing reserve stocks (already the largest in Scotland) are a guar- antee of the continued excellence of BLACK & WHITE Scotch Whisky One quality the world over The Highest Standard of Quality You can’t sell your drawings unless they are technically correct and you can only acquire this technique under skilful guidance. In comic art particularly, the clever car- icature depends altogether on a proper understanding of what to emphasize and what to omit, and this knowledge can only be bad through instruction. You cannot become a skilled artist without instruction any more than you could be a finished musician and play only by ear. Men are born with genius, but art is the practical and skilful applica- tion of natural ability. We send you this instruction by mail and your individual training comes under the personal direction of Mr. Grant E. Hamilton, an artist of international reputation. This school has been established eleven years and has developed many first-class illustrators who are now earning good incomes from their art. Only a limited number of students will be taken, so write at once. Send five two-cent stamps for handsome booklet and reply. Studio of Pictorial Art, Inc. (3) 112 East 19th Street, New York The Cook’s Package E ALL have our puzzles that daze us a bit; There’s knowledge that most of us ardently long for. I've wondered where all of the star systems quit— That's not what I'm writing this beautiful song for, Each night as to slumber I sleepily trundle, I wonder what cook carried home in her bundle! She's honest, I know, and there’s nothing I miss From larder or pantry or barrel or bin. She's sparing of that, and she’s sparing of this; It’s not that my bills require more of my tin. Of lard, sugar, bacon there's never a lackage— But what does that cook carry home in her package? It’s not anything that she brings in the morning; She comes empty-handed—I've seen her myself. Her realm I've invaded without any warning And invoiced the stuff in each cupboard and shelf. It's not that I'm stingy—I wouldn't begrudge it; But what Does that cook carry home in her budget? —Strickland Gillilan, From a Sinner’s Diary HAVE been running to lawsuits lately. I am making so mod mouey, maybe I can afford a divorce some time, and I wanted to xe how they went at it. It’s dead easy and doesn’t take over five minutes when your man doesn’t object; but when you want it all and he wan his half, it hangs on for weeks. brother says, ‘‘ you don’t wast to goto that. It will be a rough house. But I thought nothing oug ever to have occurred in the sanctuary that an old offender like m couldn't hear. I saw the lawyer I shall have if I ever commit anything—ge found out, I mean. The other lawyer looked at me as though | wee a shoplifter, as though he knew I'd cartoon his bald spot on a posal and send it through the mail. . I am inoculated with law talk as bad as brother is engine. If] wanted to call anybody a fool, I would say now instead that he ws mentally incompetent. And if anybody swiped my watermelons, [é report it as ‘*feloniously took, stole and carried away said melonsis said county of Eaton.’’ And if ma should order me away from the pig, I'd say she'd served an injunction. The judge I adore. If he should go against me, I should calculae I was guilty, whether I had thought so before or not. He seems likea regular old father in Israel—just what every preacher ought to seen But I can’t think of any just now that do. Since then I've tried to act while giving lessons like the judge des while judging. I stand behind my chair and teeter it, looking as if! were a thousand miles away. Nevertheless, should they strike opes( when it should be C sharp, I am on hand with something to say. | may pick up a catalogue from under the stand and be looking thro the onions, but that’s no sign I won't come out of my trance at) natural when the key is four sharps. = Lynette Preamt Egg View Notes TR NITZ fell out of a bee tree Monday noon, jarring two teeth at his cold loose. Muley Cannon helped to lose a tug-of-war contest at the pic Wednesday, by pulling harder on his pipe than he did on the rope. A big carnival is to be in Pollywog in a few weeks, at whit Truman Bilge will badly fool some light-fingered person by not beig present. q Within an hour after Dow Ludlum voluntarily and openly declare himself to be in bankruptcy Friday, he finished a swim in Moon Lake came out onto the shore and sat down on a hornet, who put Dow on bs feet very quickly. Emmy Neff, our barber, found a bicycle pump in the road Sate day moming, which he began to try out by working it back and fot very fast, causing Ote Gimber to drive up and get out of his buggy® ask Erny if he was trying to blow up a storm. Thursday night Witt Larcom took home a volume of sound int. shape of an expert telegrapher’s manual, sold to him by the agent. —Leslie Van Bort